In today’s episode, I’m talking with Joanne Thompson from York England. My first UK guest! Raised to believe hard work is the key to success, and after working herself almost to death, Joanne found that wasn’t necessarily the case. Even after 10 days in the hospital, three months of recovery time and six months of being scared to go to sleep for fear she wouldn’t wake up, she still believed she could carry on as usual. Everything was fine.
We chat about the false sense of well-being and security in staying in situations where everything is fine, how to take control of your own mind, and the consequence of living with regrets.
Joanne’s hype song is I’m So Excited by the Pointer Sisters. Listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iwBM_YB1sE
How to find Joanne:
website: https://joannecoaching.com/
Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/joannecoaching
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JoanneThompsonCoaching/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joannecoaching/
Come join us in the Fine is a 4-Letter Word Facebook group.
This episode is sponsored by Zen Rabbit. When you’re asking yourself “what’s next for me? Who am I now, in this next season of life? And where do I even start figuring out my purpose?” the F*ck Being Fine Experience is here for you. Go to https://zenrabbit.com/ to learn more or to schedule a complimentary call.
Transcript
Hello and welcome to Fine is a 4 Letter Word. My guest today
Speaker:is Joanne Thompson, and I am eager to hear your story and have
Speaker:you share your story with the... Fine is a 4 Letter Word audience.
Speaker:Thank you for being here. Well, thank you for having me, Lori. I'm
Speaker:excited to be here, definitely happy to share my story, 'cause if it
Speaker:helps somebody else on that journey, then that'd be fantastic. I'm also
Speaker:very excited because you have the honor of being my first guest
Speaker:from the UK. Really? Yes, yeah, that you say first guest from outside
Speaker:the United States, but that's not true, 'cause I had somebody who
Speaker:lives in the Bahamas. But first, I wanna thank you.
Speaker:Let's start out with the question of how you were raised and what
Speaker:were the beliefs that were instilled in you as you were growing up
Speaker:that contributed to making you who you've become.
Speaker:Oh, that's a really good question. Beliefs, so many isn't the...
Speaker:There's so many that you grow up because of what society is telling
Speaker:you, because when your favorite teacher school tells you what your parent
Speaker:is telling you, and it's hard to make your own mind up about
Speaker:things, so there is definitely... We grow with a lot of unconscious bias
Speaker:as it were, that you're not aware of until you start getting a
Speaker:little bit older, I think it's one of the key beliefs,
Speaker:I think was you work hard. You'll do well in life.
Speaker:So just keep working hard. And I do think that's true,
Speaker:but there's also something about work hard, but also be intentional about
Speaker:how you work and work smart, just keep working and stocking your guts
Speaker:out all the time to get somewhere, because
Speaker:not everybody will recognize or appreciate all the hard work. So you need
Speaker:to find the people that do. And that's what I've learned over my
Speaker:career. Working career is now, I've always worked hard, I've always been
Speaker:proud of the job that I've got and
Speaker:how I perform, but that didn't always get noticed, so
Speaker:that was something that I wish I kind of had that insight a
Speaker:little bit as I was going along that
Speaker:it's not just about getting your head down,
Speaker:doing all the stuff and trying to get everything that you want that
Speaker:way because... It's not quite like that. I do believe you have to
Speaker:work for everything. I don't believe that it just gets handed to you
Speaker:on a plate at probably some people are in that position and that's
Speaker:fortunate for them, but not everybody. And if you want something,
Speaker:you have to be determined on. You have to go out and get
Speaker:it. So I think that was really important
Speaker:growing up was I saw my step down, he worked all the hours,
Speaker:called SAN, we used to have a bar when I was younger,
Speaker:and he was a ridiculous o'clock three pin the morning at work,
Speaker:went home at 5, 40 or five work in the evening,
Speaker:went to bed and I back up, and he did that for seven
Speaker:years. So that's where I learned that you just work hard to keep
Speaker:working out, to keep working out it... Was he successful?
Speaker:So the business was reasonably successful, yeah, I mean, it kept a roof
Speaker:of our heads and we had a reasonable lifestyle,
Speaker:but... Yeah, it was exhausting. It's absolutely exhausting. They couldn't
Speaker:go away very much on holiday or anything like that,
Speaker:we didn't have loads of savings in the bank for things if it
Speaker:went wrong, we lived quite a fairly simple. Life, I suppose.
Speaker:But yeah, now I realized that actually, he really enjoyed and loved that,
Speaker:but he didn't pay particularly well what... He did work incredibly hard
Speaker:and he was very good at it. So yes, that's one of the
Speaker:key things that I've learned really. And I think
Speaker:some of the other beliefs I grew with were more around
Speaker:women are more... Service of the men in their lives. So she worked
Speaker:in the shop, she worked at the big mariners, which I'm hoping you
Speaker:all know over in the season, she worked there and she didn't have
Speaker:any high level jobs, I was more of assistant jobs and things like
Speaker:that. She wasn't career orientated. My sisters and I went to k through college
Speaker:and did various different jobs in the self
Speaker:measure industry and then... And you do working for the police as a
Speaker:civilian support, so it was kind of... We, as we call it kind
Speaker:of grew up with traditional beliefs that my mom cooked in an evening,
Speaker:she did the washing, she's did the ironing, my grandma in the same...
Speaker:As we were all there to look after the many and olives and
Speaker:they went out to work, and I kind of ended up in a
Speaker:group of friends that was like, No, we're not doing that.
Speaker:There's Martian this... No, I wasn't particularly interested in kids or
Speaker:I just want it in on work, I just loved working and whether
Speaker:that's because as I work when I was 11 when we had the
Speaker:show, and it started giving me funds, not very many funds,
Speaker:but you know, I like it, a little bit of independence and I
Speaker:just thought. I saw these things out in the world that I wanted
Speaker:to do and then see... And I thought, I need, I need money,
Speaker:so I need to go out and do something. Yeah. So then once
Speaker:you decided that's what you wanted to do, you didn't wanna just be
Speaker:in a support role, that you wanted to actually have a career,
Speaker:we talked about you trained as an accountant. Yeah. How did you choose
Speaker:that? Was that your first choice? Well, you know,
Speaker:originally, I wanted to work in a bank 'cause
Speaker:I remember telling me my grandma, I am always working on Bank and
Speaker:I was obsessed, we count in my pocket money, I don't know why,
Speaker:and I used to lend my system on
Speaker:Yarrow kind of... I wanted to work in a bank, and I actually
Speaker:do some work experience with school in a booths where I was intended
Speaker:to go, but I think I was influenced by some friends at school
Speaker:and they were so old, if you like our numbers working as you
Speaker:think raccoon, so that's why I ended up doing endurance University,
Speaker:got a degree in accountancy and business, and they went on to do
Speaker:professional accounts, but I went on to work in a building society,
Speaker:which is so now similar to a bank,
Speaker:and then I always work... Then I worked in a bank,
Speaker:so I did that by the day as an accountant, not as...
Speaker:So anybody coming really on the... In the shops, all in the shop
Speaker:front of ing, but I was still counting... I'm still counting money,
Speaker:I was still putting tadpoles in the market, I was settling the tits
Speaker:of deposit and things like that, in the back of ASEAN,
Speaker:I was doing banking and making a million pounds worth of transport transfers,
Speaker:500 million pound transfer sometimes. So I kind of really liked that I
Speaker:was really excited by it for the money, but not necessarily any laws
Speaker:on one, but... Yeah, really? But. You were working with it.
Speaker:I was working with that, I was working with numbers, which are a
Speaker:enjoying... So yeah, so I was very intentional about
Speaker:where I chose to do... Start working. Yeah, and
Speaker:when we did our conversation beforehand, you were talking about
Speaker:some of the difficulties of working in that industry because it was so
Speaker:male dominated, to... Tell us a little bit about that.
Speaker:Where do I start with that? Or. Did you realize that before you
Speaker:went into it, was it something that showed up... How quickly did you
Speaker:realize, Hey, I'm not... I'm the minority here.
Speaker:Yeah, when I worked in the kind of... I worked in the Treasury
Speaker:Department, so I worked in the back office to start with,
Speaker:and there were some women in there and that was okay,
Speaker:and we're all doing a really decent jobs,
Speaker:but the traders, they were out at the front desk,
Speaker:and it wasn't until... We had a young trader that came in and
Speaker:he only just dry it and he was training really, and
Speaker:we had to get a delivery to them is really early in the
Speaker:morning so they could make their decisions on what they were gonna invest
Speaker:in boosting and I went in and the systems were down,
Speaker:we have real problems, and honestly, we were working like crazy to get...
Speaker:'cause we knew the importance of it, and I went out and sat...
Speaker:I've got the numbers, this is why he... I think he said went
Speaker:out and explained it all, and he just, he just... He just,
Speaker:uh, you just such an idea. This is why an earth had you
Speaker:been so late with all this, you've lost me a deal,
Speaker:you get... And he started kind of leaning to me and I was...
Speaker:I was thinking, Oh, I felt really hard here, we've all been in
Speaker:that office trying to get these ones out with no in pati don't
Speaker:need you. Who was probably a similar age to me, but you were
Speaker:into the department giving me a hard time for this,
Speaker:and I was just like... And then you kind of get the others,
Speaker:you see all the men behaving in the office and you think,
Speaker:I don't really like that. I don't really kind of...
Speaker:They all seem to have the most... Any positions,
Speaker:they kind of taught down to women a lot, the protein tension ally,
Speaker:some of them would have be flotation, should I say.
Speaker:And I wasn't used to that either, I didn't come from a touchy
Speaker:feely family are... We weren't big hog on homes and stuff like that,
Speaker:so it was kind of sometimes there were in your personal space,
Speaker:and I did like that either... And as I progress working through the
Speaker:bank and things like that, it wasn't as transporting the bank for work
Speaker:when I moved into the insurance industry and the final person within there,
Speaker:it became even more transparent, and even though companies have got these
Speaker:policies in place nowadays to try and combat
Speaker:sexism and treat people in fairly and things like that, it's still happening,
Speaker:and I'm still going stories... Sure comments that are made, which are really
Speaker:kind of truly a one girl who worked on Mahesh said,
Speaker:I'm going... I'm a marinated is great, rather you going on honeymoon when
Speaker:you do a dot a AMES him, she saw worked to me on
Speaker:the Women's Network I was helping to run at that point when I
Speaker:first joined, and she said that... She says, You hemodialysis really positive
Speaker:because my boss has just said to me, Oh,
Speaker:now you're gonna get married, you're gonna go off and have children,
Speaker:then you're gonna wanna come back and work part time and learn all
Speaker:the rest of us have to work even harder because you want to
Speaker:have your cane... Wow, niketas. Crazy. Yeah. All this sensitivity training.
Speaker:Obviously not making a difference. No, definitely not. And she did...
Speaker:The funny thing is just I don't even know if I have an
Speaker:advocate. If you'd say that, and I couldn't have kids.
Speaker:And how annoying with that being, how upsetting with that being.
Speaker:And then... And then more recently, I just... Some of
Speaker:the language that used, some of the big decisions sometimes are taken out
Speaker:of meetings and done behind closed doors, so you get into a meeting,
Speaker:you think you've got a chance to say your opinion and the disease
Speaker:now are being taken... You get people particularly clear in who are very
Speaker:competitive, and it's all about the status, so I was all about the
Speaker:next role, it's not about... They want a team that worked well for
Speaker:them to get them their next move, and I just seen that so
Speaker:many times and he's just disappointing. There's just so many things
Speaker:that in this day and age now, I expect...
Speaker:He kind of because of... No, I started 28 years ago in the
Speaker:banking industry, and he kind of think, Yeah, but no,
Speaker:I'm still seeing that now, I'm still hearing stories from people that that
Speaker:Ely now just should... People are not getting fair cans in the workplace
Speaker:to have their life they want, and so I'm seeing... We mean shut
Speaker:down. I'm seeing women believe that they can't do things, not allowed to
Speaker:do things, that they need permission to just ask for some basic rest
Speaker:men of goal. And it's interesting that this is still going on
Speaker:in this, in 2021, that women still need to or
Speaker:feel like they need to ask permission, that they need to
Speaker:work. Again, going back to your thing, you learned about working harder
Speaker:to prove themselves, but they're still not being invited to the secret meetings,
Speaker:they're still not getting to have the input
Speaker:that they need to be having, and it's to the detriment of the
Speaker:companies, but the companies don't even see how much better they could do
Speaker:if they had everyone at the table contributing.
Speaker:Yeah, so we were talking to about how you work, so you took
Speaker:this, I need to work hard theory and applied it, and it still
Speaker:didn't yield you what you wanted, what you would have expected from the
Speaker:work that you were doing. And then you had also told me about
Speaker:something, so you were working hard even when your health was at risk...
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, definitely. So I worked in a department where it was a
Speaker:daily operation and I managed a lot of systems and we invariably had
Speaker:lots and lots of problems with them, so even there, I decided to...
Speaker:I went back for full time after my second child to a new
Speaker:company to Incheon. I decided, eventually, I asked if I could have flexi
Speaker:time. Could I work four days? And I ended up working five days
Speaker:and four, and then on the Friday where I didn't work because the
Speaker:systems were so problematic, I was constantly on the phone because I was
Speaker:the manager, I was kind of constantly on the far to
Speaker:the IT department asking them to fix things, I was constantly trying to
Speaker:help the team figure out how to solve the problems I worked weekends
Speaker:because we have to do all our system upgrade on a weekend,
Speaker:and then I was kind of... I got to Pinter, I wanted to
Speaker:kind of to... This is a... I don't feel great, I don't feel
Speaker:fantastic. I kept going to... My home life was really busy,
Speaker:my husband, I was on shift, two girls, one swim all the time,
Speaker:so I was constantly... And two dogs and constantly backwards and forwards,
Speaker:working really hard at work and working really hard at home,
Speaker:because sometimes my husband wasn't even there two nights a week,
Speaker:so I had all that to manage as well, I'd be
Speaker:expected to be in a halfway in the morning in elevation it.
Speaker:So it was just cater and then I suffered a Colombian,
Speaker:so I looked at on the long... I ended up in hospital for
Speaker:nine days, I think... To me, I've got three months to get out
Speaker:of it. And I have never been so scared in all my life,
Speaker:I never... I just... It was just awful. The whole thing,
Speaker:I was having aventine, I was having a moment where
Speaker:I didn't know where I was. And this happened
Speaker:while my husband was driving, I was home, it kicked in over the
Speaker:weekend, so I said, getting pain in my chest, and we were a
Speaker:campaign, but we brought my mom's car of an touring caravans that was...
Speaker:So we had the Carillon the back, we have two dogs in the
Speaker:back, out to young kids in the back, and we were driving home
Speaker:and I am... My arms were going everywhere, I was type of ventilating,
Speaker:my husband work, can we just get home and just drop everything that
Speaker:I'll try and start something out... Understand, we know what was going on.
Speaker:I didn't know why I was doing this, it was just so weird.
Speaker:And anyway, Evangeline up in hospital for 10 days
Speaker:and that I went through a stage of not wanting to sleep for
Speaker:six months because I was scared that I would die, I find Belle
Speaker:and then... And then after six months, I enable to get to sleep
Speaker:when I was... So I have a... Sure. Over time, I just...
Speaker:A time you just leave. Now, I couldn't sleep.
Speaker:So yeah, that was the first of real ski of my health though.
Speaker:So that was a warning sign your body was given a...
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, definitely. But you still didn't even pay attention to it,
Speaker:I mean, you did, but you didn't... 'cause you said you were still
Speaker:working, even though your doctor said You're not supposed to work as many
Speaker:hours and you're like, Okay, but I have to...
Speaker:And I did, because my value of my self worth was in my
Speaker:job, I felt... There you go. Yeah, I love them. It's not the
Speaker:case, and I blend it the hard way, and that took me a
Speaker:long time to see that, but I thought
Speaker:my role in life was to do these jobs and to do them
Speaker:really well, and that that was a value.
Speaker:But when I started to really... I was learning motor, I was learning
Speaker:tons and you know, and he was a tough job,
Speaker:but I did decide, I actually wrote myself out of the
Speaker:job structure because I carried on and then I just got to the
Speaker:state... I just thought, I know what, I can't do this.
Speaker:And this was a sign, this means I need to do something different.
Speaker:So we were having and restructuring the department, and I wrote my job
Speaker:out of it, I redesigned the structure to their department, and I just
Speaker:said no to my boss, I'm taking my role out, and they were
Speaker:like, Oh well, I even on. So maybe you wanna do apply for
Speaker:the head of the whole department, and I was like,
Speaker:No, when you see that's an opportunity, they... Iteration is an end thought,
Speaker:I kinda look back and... Do you know what? He's just not worth
Speaker:it, it's not worth it. Because I knew I'd be back to five
Speaker:days a week, I'd be working longer hours, I'd be
Speaker:everybody... We weren't a popular department because I've called breaches
Speaker:and all sorts of problems, and I was like, You know...
Speaker:I just not worth that. So I did, so I wrote myself out
Speaker:and I mostly got a job doing project management stuff,
Speaker:which I actually loved, but again, it was fine, it was fine.
Speaker:One was aside what? Moving wasn't upward. So I had that battle between
Speaker:taking a job that was not stressful, it could be stressful,
Speaker:but not in the same way, not demanding in the same way,
Speaker:but I wasn't getting that promotion, so it was really kind of...
Speaker:I did have these railings between health and
Speaker:less stress and time that I enjoyed and getting that promotion,
Speaker:but I took the other option and I actually loved doing that work,
Speaker:but I was still always feeling like how
Speaker:to move up somehow. So again, I would start to work hard,
Speaker:but a little bit smaller, a little bit Math, doing something I enjoy.
Speaker:Well. Fast forward to the moment when you decided, I'm tired of living
Speaker:with everything just being fine, and you had shared with me also that
Speaker:moment when you were standing in your office looking around going,
Speaker:Is this... It is this way, I don't wanna do this for the
Speaker:next 10. And from the job I just talked about, I probably...
Speaker:That's probably another seven years on wards when I had that moment,
Speaker:so I carried on doing this job, so we kept getting the structured...
Speaker:I thought I was getting that promotion and it kept getting taken away,
Speaker:I then got a mentor and a coach and thought, I need to
Speaker:do something different, I'm not getting anywhere. The guy, I had a conversation
Speaker:with my manager and he said, there's no place for you in this
Speaker:department, and I was like, I work in painting the contenders,
Speaker:I can do your job, and then I...
Speaker:That's the problem. That's the problem. I can do your job and I
Speaker:went, there is a place I just put your sign in,
Speaker:and I was like... I was like, I almost cheering my head of
Speaker:it, and he was like, Yeah, I'm not going anywhere,
Speaker:and I... I... That's me, I need to move, I need to move.
Speaker:So I wanna get another job. I worked a bit in London,
Speaker:again, it was a a transformation type project management role, and I really
Speaker:enjoyed that and I worked with better people,
Speaker:but then we came back and I was back up to York,
Speaker:which was where I kind of just let... Outside the York,
Speaker:and I was looking across the office and
Speaker:the job was changing again, this management team was changing again,
Speaker:and it was not put on a hoodie, had so many health issues
Speaker:on and off in the last 10 years, operations and base of the
Speaker:things and I thought, as you see, it's really what I got for
Speaker:the next 20 years. It, you know, I don't want this,
Speaker:just don't on this at the Ben Hankin after the
Speaker:wanting at a promotion for so long, and then I just have this
Speaker:moment, this now I'm sick, I don't wanna play the politics,
Speaker:I don't wanna play the games that you have to play,
Speaker:to get on, I don't wanna be nice to people I don't respect
Speaker:and like, I don't wanna work with people who are driving me up,
Speaker:I don't wanna be kept in a position that...
Speaker:They know I do a good job. A safe pair of hands.
Speaker:I get the job done and I get it done well.
Speaker:I'm bad than this and I'm worth more than this,
Speaker:and I really wanted to make a difference
Speaker:more directly with people, I've always managed teams and develop teams,
Speaker:but some of my ideas in teams, the bosses that I've had,
Speaker:it all been a bit... We can't do that.
Speaker:No work. Wright's not how we do things here. But not how we
Speaker:do things here. So I just have the freedom to be creative
Speaker:and half full and all the rest of the things that I wanted
Speaker:to do and that I was really looking forward to doing,
Speaker:and I just... I just cannot be in this... What, I need to
Speaker:think differently, I need to do something different.
Speaker:Did you know what that was? Or did you just know,
Speaker:this isn't it? I don't know what it is, but it's not this,
Speaker:or did you actually have an idea of,
Speaker:This is where I want to go, this is what I would like
Speaker:better. And how did you get there? But a few years,
Speaker:I didn't know what I wanted to do and I was kind of,
Speaker:Oh, how am I gonna do... Have accounts have on change management and
Speaker:finance a buyer, I've done so many different things and I thought I
Speaker:Dione, and I was racking my brains, and then
Speaker:they put us on a course where they introduced coaching and I thought,
Speaker:Oh, I did this about 10 years ago, I did some of this
Speaker:10 years and I really loved it, and
Speaker:doing the case... And he was only a couple of days.
Speaker:I kind of thought, this is why I love, I really enjoy this.
Speaker:And I was also a chair, so I moved up to chairing the
Speaker:women's network, it was about 30 people, and I came out of one
Speaker:of the sessions and we Diane and it was so fun,
Speaker:I could hear the rolling good or thought was... That was great.
Speaker:I really enjoyed that. We don't normally get anything like that,
Speaker:the surge that they... They were even put these things on post,
Speaker:and I was like, I just Toronto one of colitis every day,
Speaker:you know, and I kind of didn't think about it at the time,
Speaker:but then when I was at... In these coaching sessions on this training
Speaker:cost, I was like... I had that, I had that penetrated.
Speaker:Why do they want pasta? You weren't really yet.
Speaker:You possibly a ready yet, and he was like, You've trained so hard
Speaker:to be an accountant, you do three years of exams and all the
Speaker:rest of it, and he was like... Can I just think,
Speaker:Oh, I don't wanna give that up. And it was almost like
Speaker:that sense of loss, like... But then I sort of realized that actually
Speaker:that whole... That whole thing of studying and took me to where I
Speaker:am now and... Exactly. Now, I can even like, sure, is purpose for
Speaker:20 years in my life. Now, I've got a different purpose,
Speaker:so I wanna make a difference for these... We mean,
Speaker:we have Lancing as well, who want to
Speaker:be the best that they can be, they want to get ahead in
Speaker:life, they wanna live a life of their choosing, and you have to
Speaker:put up with somebody else, his version of what their life should be...
Speaker:Right, you kind of did. For all those years. I did.
Speaker:For all. The... Yeah, and I can understand to where you're coming from
Speaker:and being hesitant to want to let go of that because it's history,
Speaker:it's safe, it almost feels like, Well, I don't wanna throw out those
Speaker:past 25 years, invested so much of myself in them,
Speaker:but then turning it around the way you're saying, looking at it and
Speaker:saying, Okay, it's not really throwing it away, it's contributed to helping
Speaker:me get to where I am today, I can build on that,
Speaker:but build in a different direction. Definitely. And I'm using all the skills
Speaker:I've learned in my new business now as well,
Speaker:but the coach, it was the people, it was the development,
Speaker:and it was also the inequalities that I've seen over my career that
Speaker:we mean, I'm hearing... As some of my clients, when I'm coaching them
Speaker:and some of the stories they come with,
Speaker:I'm just the green, we need to do more, I need to help
Speaker:these people because they're brilliant people, they're very capable,
Speaker:they've just lost their way a little bit and they've lost their confidence
Speaker:and we need to help them. I need to help him find that
Speaker:because if I can make a change, and I have...
Speaker:I suppose, yeah, sometimes people say it is a really big change,
Speaker:and I think all is a really big change. But I suppose it
Speaker:eave left. I went a very well paid copper, a job where I
Speaker:got bonuses and pensions and discos on products, and
Speaker:I was a senior manager, and he's kind of a recall that security.
Speaker:And the security for my family. And I just kind of walked away
Speaker:from it to sit on my own business because the purpose of seeing
Speaker:these people and knowing that they can be...
Speaker:And half what they're on, if they're just willing to spend a little
Speaker:bit of time on themselves figuring it out... Or I can help them
Speaker:do that, and then they can kind of go, What? Do you know
Speaker:what I know? I know what decisions I need to make now.
Speaker:I'm gonna take them because I've seen how it can be,
Speaker:I've realized I can do more, I realized I'm Carl of having a
Speaker:life that I'm interested in that serves me, says My family,
Speaker:and doesn't put me into all this tree, it is not dictated to
Speaker:me by somebody else, and therefore... That's that to me, if I can
Speaker:help people do that. That's like, No, I'm fulfilled in that way.
Speaker:And I think the full file, it was why I was missing...
Speaker:I mean, I was helping up. Yes, I turned system done.
Speaker:Yes, I don't have a project. It was the people side that I
Speaker:was missing, the teams... Yeah, one of our teams are my staff,
Speaker:but he was just something I wanted to do something a little bit
Speaker:more life changing for people. Right, you weren't touching people necessarily
Speaker:individually in such an impactful way and showing them the possibilities
Speaker:of what could be... And going back again to in part,
Speaker:because it sounds like you were working for
Speaker:managers and companies that weren't open to possibilities, they were only
Speaker:open or they were only seeing what we have always done
Speaker:and not open to what we could do.
Speaker:Yeah, and as always, the wears, the cost thing I was comes in,
Speaker:it's all a save money, so that it goes ahead of
Speaker:a lot of things we do wrong, some of these companies have brilliant
Speaker:policies, and some people have done really well in the... But some of
Speaker:them are more willing to kind of take the root that is expected
Speaker:of them, rather the room, they want to take...
Speaker:Everybody said, Do you go Yates devil, you know? The handy guy.
Speaker:That's how you're seeing. Yeah, and then you weren't willing to do that
Speaker:anymore, I. Definitely... No, I just thought, No, this is life for...
Speaker:And going out and enjoying, I lost my best. One of my best
Speaker:finds is she... She was 48, I lost my dad in he's Halpin,
Speaker:and I'm like, No, you've got to take control of your own mind,
Speaker:you've got to kind of stop waiting for somebody else to
Speaker:help you out if you got... Be clear about who you are,
Speaker:what you want, and then get a part to get it,
Speaker:that's where you support comes in, as well as right now,
Speaker:who you are as well, 'cause a lot of people, we also then
Speaker:go, I don't know what my skills are an almost so,
Speaker:I don't know, and it's because we're so bombarded, we... Managers and other
Speaker:people saying, Oh no, you haven't done that. Right. Or No,
Speaker:that wasn't good. You know, I used to have a manager who used
Speaker:to me some piece of work on how passed on an evening,
Speaker:just as I was going out to do... He'd be really me,
Speaker:cook in the morning, say, Have you done it yet? And you wanna
Speaker:eat with... You mean full instructions on what to do, and I would
Speaker:go, I'd be on the train platform, I'm saying Yes.
Speaker:I'm only... I'm doing a happy rain bits on the train and getting...
Speaker:Not finish it off, commit to him and. Then he read Penny.
Speaker:I write all over it and go longlist, sat down with me.
Speaker:Tell me what to eat you wanted, but
Speaker:she's just not with her, and. This is how your life was going,
Speaker:and you didn't think like, this isn't... This is crazy.
Speaker:Once you can step back, and this is what you're doing with your
Speaker:clients, and what I'm doing with my clients in the FBI fine program
Speaker:is helping them step back and see what's going on
Speaker:and hear that voice inside of them is that you listen to finally,
Speaker:that was telling you what is your truth,
Speaker:what is true for you, not what everybody else is telling you,
Speaker:you should be doing or pursuing or whatever... What is your truth?
Speaker:Yeah, my dad wasn't the most responsible person in the world,
Speaker:but my mom was, and I think I kind of learned from her
Speaker:that we have to be responsible, you have to make sure you know
Speaker:you can pay your mortgage and your bills, and I was so responsible
Speaker:all the time taking the responsible options, he is hard work in customs.
Speaker:You have to make decisions that are not necessarily gonna make you happy,
Speaker:and I think we all have to do that to some extent.
Speaker:But when you're constantly doing that all the time, the cost of...
Speaker:A little bit of fun, a little bit of
Speaker:happiness. I didn't have the balance right? At all, that's all I meritocratic
Speaker:ing who you are in order to be...
Speaker:Yes, we want... 'cause I have that same tendency,
Speaker:I'm very responsible sometimes to my own detriment because then I don't
Speaker:do... I don't take time to have fun or relax
Speaker:because I have to do all these things,
Speaker:I don't see so many women like that now,
Speaker:the responsibilities of a family and making things happen and just
Speaker:living daily life is just so long. People just don't have that create
Speaker:in that space to just like say, stand back and go.
Speaker:It's just really well, and that's what happens though, is you just mentioned,
Speaker:I think when we get to this point in our lives and our
Speaker:parents are passing away, or our friends like you just mentioned,
Speaker:your front 48, we start looking around and going, Alright, you know what?
Speaker:There's not a lot of time here. I don't know how much time
Speaker:I have left. And even if I have
Speaker:25, 35, 40 more years, who knows? That's still... The past 40 years
Speaker:have gone by so quickly. What are we doing? What do I want
Speaker:to be doing? Like being intentional about how we spend that precious time,
Speaker:'cause we all hear that time is short and
Speaker:that we have to appreciate what you have, kind of thing.
Speaker:But until you start seeing it firsthand. Now we hear it as
Speaker:a latitude, but then when it's your friend, your parents, you're like,
Speaker:Oh wait. Now it has meaning. Now I need to pay attention.
Speaker:Yeah, definitely. We wanna at the blood book list,
Speaker:and I was like... I started writing down and each year...
Speaker:Well, I'm just generally on to it when I see it,
Speaker:and trying to get more intentional again about the choices that I make,
Speaker:you've only got so much time, you've only got so many resources and
Speaker:funds and money and everything to do what you need to do.
Speaker:I wanted to do... So we don't make decisions, and
Speaker:I have this thing about not going back to same places,
Speaker:I'll watch the same films over and over again, my husband can see
Speaker:watch films, the same film about 17 times I like, No,
Speaker:there's more life to experience a very much...
Speaker:If I read it down, then I'm more likely to do it.
Speaker:And there was one where he was like, I wanted to see a
Speaker:Dowling concert, and I managed to get to kids, they were very expensive,
Speaker:but I got to it and I spent the money that I'd say
Speaker:on that, and I took my girls and my husband and we had
Speaker:an absolutely amazing time. And that was so precious to share those moments
Speaker:with my girls, that's worth so much more than having a fan or
Speaker:car on the driveway or a huge house,
Speaker:and you can... If we get caught up in this materialistic world,
Speaker:if we need to have certain things to show who we are,
Speaker:how well we've done what we've achieved, and actually it's about being content
Speaker:and happy within yourself and those experiences. And I think the younger
Speaker:ones now, my special... I mean, my daughter at one of...
Speaker:My dad is 23, and she's all about the experience. She's like,
Speaker:I wanna be... I don't wanna be tied down by a house and
Speaker:the mortgage, I wanna go out and see life and see the world
Speaker:and experience things and make memories, and I just think, Oh,
Speaker:it... Goodness, I wish I'd been able to have that conversation with you
Speaker:earlier 'cause I'm good for you. Yeah, but then I still get that,
Speaker:Oh, you Shanthi. Oh, do you know that my old house coming...
Speaker:Would that up all the time that we do? We do.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, it's just... And that's why I won, I wanna...
Speaker:We talked a little bit about, I wanna do retreat in France for
Speaker:me, my husband retired from the basic two years ago, I've started my
Speaker:own business like share, we're now in a position where we've got so
Speaker:much more freedom to make our choices to do what... When we want,
Speaker:work with who we want and work how we want...
Speaker:And that's something that we're working wattage there is to
Speaker:try and find somewhere, go and live abroad, try something different,
Speaker:try and let the language and it's all gonna be an experience in
Speaker:the journey, and I think I just... If I didn't do it now,
Speaker:I think I would regret it. So it's kind of trying to things
Speaker:that excite you and bring you joy and they might bring you a
Speaker:lot of pain as well, 'cause I'm sure moving to Francis not easy
Speaker:and all the forms for the Indian language is gonna be really tough,
Speaker:but you know if I don't do it, I don't know.
Speaker:Well, if I don't try, I would know and there's nothing wrong,
Speaker:I don't believe in the word failure either to agree. If it doesn't
Speaker:work out, I've tried, I don't know how to go. Yeah,
Speaker:I just move on to the next thing. What is the next tier
Speaker:really love to try and enjoy and like because
Speaker:now it's about the experiences, it's about sharing, sharing and making memories
Speaker:with people that you love and have fun with.
Speaker:Yeah. And living without regrets. So we hear about people not dying with
Speaker:regrets, so you don't wanna die with regrets, but the only way you
Speaker:don't die with regrets is to live without regrets,
Speaker:it starts with living without regrets, so that you don't die with regrets.
Speaker:And that's what we're talking about, and I love that. And
Speaker:yeah, this is such a great place to end
Speaker:our conversation, but before we go, what is your song... What is your
Speaker:hype song that you listen to when you need an extra boost of
Speaker:energy. So I listen to the point of sisters and I'm so excited.
Speaker:And there's something about it that it's like, I'm so excited,
Speaker:I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think
Speaker:I like it. You know, and that's kind of that last line,
Speaker:saw some zil is that I think I'm about to let go of
Speaker:everything that might have been holding me back from really having a fulfilling
Speaker:life, and I'm just gonna go for it and I'm just gonna try
Speaker:it and I'm gonna see where it goes and fingers crossed it all
Speaker:work out, and if it doesn't, I'll try something different, so...
Speaker:I love it. That's a great attitude and I love that song.
Speaker:'cause yeah, now it's in my head. And we'll put a link in
Speaker:the show notes. Is there anything else that you would like to share
Speaker:with the listeners about how they can get in touch with you,
Speaker:what... Anything else? I have a website, so it's www, inching dot com.
Speaker:So yeah, I'm on there, I'm on Instagram, I'm on
Speaker:LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook, I'm on all the social media platforms.
Speaker:Yes, so just get in touch with me. I Japonica Ching dot com.
Speaker:So yeah. We'll have links to all of that in the show notes
Speaker:as well. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm Fine is