In this episode, I’m talking with Christy Metcalf. Christy is the founder and President of C.E.O. Learning Systems. A family tragedy shaped her life, teaching her the importance of courage and perseverance. It also presented her with what she called a planned or arranged career. And she followed that plan, executed it perfectly and ended up miserable. So she used the courage that had been instilled in her and became an entrepreneur.
We chat about who supports you when you make decisions that don’t fit other people’s expectations of you, using visualization to lay out your future, and the importance of getting in tune with your thoughts and feelings. Because your thoughts direct your feelings, your feelings, direct your actions, and your actions direct your results. And then we get into what happens when you let emotions control you, what does failure even mean, and finding joy in your zone of genius.
Christy is an International Speaker, Trainer, Coach, Author, and Mentor with a true gift of helping clients identify what they want most, the roadblocks holding them back, and the plan to reach it. She believes that everything is figureoutable! Yes it is!
Her ultimate dream job is to one day is to live life in the fast lane driving the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile around the country, meeting fascinating people, and sharing their stories with the world.
Quick reminder, for community and camaraderie, Come join us in the Fine is a 4-Letter Word Facebook group.
Christy’s hype song is I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas. Listen here: https://youtu.be/CwdrtwZiQ9E
Website: www.ceolearningsystems.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christy-metcalf/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/christy.buckleymetcalf
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/christy.metcalf/
Transcript
Is that we have a whole conversation and I don't
Lori Saitz:record it. Right? Wow. All right. Well, we might as well
Lori Saitz:just start right over again. There we go. I mean, I have
Lori Saitz:whatever we had from before, I think but in case we don't Ah,
Lori Saitz:Christy Welcome to Fine is a 4-Letter Word. Lori. Let me just
Lori Saitz:tell you that Christy and I have been having technical
Lori Saitz:difficulties trying to get this interview recorded and we're
Lori Saitz:laughing because we have just spent the past I don't even know
Lori Saitz:how many minutes to make this work. But I am, I am still eager
Lori Saitz:to have Christy share her knowledge and information in her
Lori Saitz:story. So we're gonna start over again. Christy Tell me, well,
Lori Saitz:first of all, Christy and I were introduced by a previous guest,
Lori Saitz:Deb Coviello, who is on a previous episode. I can't
Lori Saitz:remember which, which number it is 17, I think but go back and
Lori Saitz:look for Deb Coviello's interview, Deb introduced
Lori Saitz:Christy and me. And here we are. Here we are fighting with
Lori Saitz:technology
Christy Metcalf:I hope you didn't have technical problems
Christy Metcalf:with her. I'll just say it's me.
Lori Saitz:We didn't. No, I don't think it's you. I think
Lori Saitz:it's just this day.
Christy Metcalf:We're gonna Yeah, we're gonna push through
Christy Metcalf:and get it done.
Lori Saitz:We are we are. So thank you so much for your
Lori Saitz:patience and for joining me here today. And let's start out with
Lori Saitz:the question that I always ask my guests because I'm just so
Lori Saitz:curious about what your background is and where you come
Lori Saitz:from, and what were the values that were instilled in you as a
Lori Saitz:child that contributed to who you become as an adult?
Christy Metcalf:Hmm, that's such a great question. So my
Christy Metcalf:early life was shaped by a tragedy that actually happened
Christy Metcalf:in our family. So my grandfather was 22 years old, he served in
Christy Metcalf:the Navy, during World War Two, newly married, he had a six
Christy Metcalf:month old baby, which was my mom, and he came back to our
Christy Metcalf:hometown and worked in the steel mill, and he would bring the
Christy Metcalf:trains with the raw materials in to the steel facility. And one
Christy Metcalf:day it was raining and he jumped up on the train to grab hold of
Christy Metcalf:the side, he slipped in his leg went under the train, and it cut
Christy Metcalf:it off at the knees, and a tragic accident and get six
Christy Metcalf:weeks later, he went back to work with with a prosthetic leg.
Christy Metcalf:And I think that that really shaped my mom's childhood and it
Christy Metcalf:shaped I know my childhood. And so some of the values from that
Christy Metcalf:lesson, you know, was courage, courage, obviously, but
Christy Metcalf:perseverance pushing through hard work, don't give up and
Christy Metcalf:find a way. And I really like when I think about that. It
Christy Metcalf:really did shape that my childhood and who I am today as
Christy Metcalf:an individual.
Lori Saitz:Those are all super strong and what somebody would
Lori Saitz:consider a positive qualities. But does they ever take on a
Lori Saitz:more negative? You know, pressure?
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, I mean, a life of their own right? I like
Christy Metcalf:to say that anything maximized can become a liability. And I
Christy Metcalf:really as I think about that, right, the Well, first of all
Christy Metcalf:trying to measure up like if if you have a family member that's
Christy Metcalf:gone through a tragedy like that, and overcome these
Christy Metcalf:unsurmountable odds, and is basically living this life, you
Christy Metcalf:feel like anything that you are in your life that's not going
Christy Metcalf:your way is just minuscule, right? So I think that there's
Christy Metcalf:another side of it where you know, always find a way Don't
Christy Metcalf:give up. But there are times where you have to give up right?
Christy Metcalf:There are times where you push through, and you're exhausted
Christy Metcalf:and you're tired and for your own self care and self sanity,
Christy Metcalf:that it's time to walk away from it. And growing up I learned to
Christy Metcalf:put on the mask and to be stoic and to show up, right? Whether
Christy Metcalf:you feel like it or not, you fake it till you make it and I
Christy Metcalf:think that there's a really dark side to that.
Lori Saitz:Yeah, because then you're putting pressure on
Lori Saitz:yourself. You're First of all, you're not necessarily taking
Lori Saitz:care of yourself when you need to. You're putting pressure on
Lori Saitz:yourself to accomplish, right when maybe like you said, maybe
Lori Saitz:you do need to step back. I know, you know, as
Lori Saitz:entrepreneurs, we're always told never ever, ever, ever give up.
Lori Saitz:Right? And sometimes you're beating your head against the
Lori Saitz:wall. And you need to turn around and look and see if
Lori Saitz:there's something else that you could do differently. Yeah,
Lori Saitz:maybe it's a simple pivot and maybe it's like in my case when
Lori Saitz:I was running my Baking Company shut the whole thing down
Lori Saitz:because this is not serving you.
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, well and you know, there's that other
Christy Metcalf:side of it like you can you can continue pushing yourself until
Christy Metcalf:you look back and you're like, Am I happy doing this? Like, I
Christy Metcalf:think that's ultimately the question. Right? Right. I think
Christy Metcalf:all of us have it within us to be great and do extraordinary
Christy Metcalf:things. But are we happy doing those things? And that's the
Christy Metcalf:question to be answered. If we're not if we get to a point,
Christy Metcalf:which I love the name of the podcast, right? Fine. If we're
Christy Metcalf:just at a point where we're fine, and we're not living life
Christy Metcalf:to its fullest, or its greatest potential, it's time to make
Christy Metcalf:some changes.
Lori Saitz:Yeah. So what have there has there been a situation
Lori Saitz:where you use those qualities, and you found yourself in a
Lori Saitz:situation where everything was fine. And you went along? for
Lori Saitz:however long? It was? How Tell me about that?
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, so I have to say, you know, from the time
Christy Metcalf:I was young, I was sort of groomed, I'm an only child. And
Christy Metcalf:I was sort of groomed that this path this. This planned future
Christy Metcalf:had been laid out before me, I call it a planned an arranged
Christy Metcalf:career. And that was I was going to go to college, I was the
Christy Metcalf:first one first generation on both sides of my family to go to
Christy Metcalf:college, I was going to lay in this amazing corporate job, and
Christy Metcalf:then life would just unfold in this blissful way. And I
Christy Metcalf:followed the plan entirely the way it was supposed to be. I
Christy Metcalf:landed a great corporate job. 11 years later, I was in the
Christy Metcalf:corporate office, you know, doing my dream job, but
Christy Metcalf:completely burned out, strung out overwhelmed. And I did not
Christy Metcalf:have a life. I mean, I was miserable. And I was standing in
Christy Metcalf:Kansas City, actually doing a leadership development program.
Christy Metcalf:And I'd asked the participants, when they introduce themselves
Christy Metcalf:to tell me something fun they did in their life besides work,
Christy Metcalf:and it's 36 people introduce themselves, I realized, I did
Christy Metcalf:not have anything outside of work. And I was newly married.
Christy Metcalf:And it was just sort of this epiphany that came over me like,
Christy Metcalf:how did I let this happened? And I went back and I had a
Christy Metcalf:conversation with my boss, and I said, I can't keep this pace up,
Christy Metcalf:I need some life balance. And he said to me, Christylaurie, there
Christy Metcalf:is no, no. And meaning this is the job. This is what you signed
Christy Metcalf:up for, this is what it is. And I went home and I said to my
Christy Metcalf:husband, I need to find the know. And he was like, Well, why
Christy Metcalf:don't you start your own company? I do people do that. I
Christy Metcalf:hadn't been raised in an entrepreneurial family. I'm
Christy Metcalf:like, is that allowed and not allowed? And so the flip side of
Christy Metcalf:it is, you know, I was smart enough to do it. And I could do
Christy Metcalf:it. But it was giving up the dream that my family had for me.
Christy Metcalf:Right, which on the outside, anybody who saw my life would
Christy Metcalf:have said, Oh, my gosh, you have an amazing life. Yeah, you have
Christy Metcalf:this great job. You're traveling all the time you live in a
Christy Metcalf:beautiful home, you're newly married. And yet I was so
Christy Metcalf:unfulfilled, and I put the steps in place, I worked with a coach.
Christy Metcalf:And really it wasn't about the expertise. I wasn't questioning
Christy Metcalf:the expertise. I was questioning, walking away and
Christy Metcalf:feeling the guilt and shame from walking away from a good life to
Christy Metcalf:start something even better. But people didn't see that.
Lori Saitz:What was it? Like when you had to tell your
Lori Saitz:parents that? Did you feel like you were disappointing them?
Christy Metcalf:Yes, absolutely. And as a matter of
Christy Metcalf:fact, you know, I can say that my friends and my family, those
Christy Metcalf:who I thought would be most supportive because they knew me,
Christy Metcalf:were actually not supportive. They said, Are you crazy, you're
Christy Metcalf:giving up the security of corporate America, you have a
Christy Metcalf:great job, you're going to, you know, you're going to be the one
Christy Metcalf:to break through the glass ceiling. Why are you doing this?
Christy Metcalf:Like they thought it was crazy. And every single time they say,
Christy Metcalf:what are you going to do if you fail? And I said, I'll go get
Christy Metcalf:another job, right? I mean, I knew I could go get another job.
Christy Metcalf:That's what I had already done. But at that moment, I wanted
Christy Metcalf:some balance in my life, I just wanted to regroup and take a
Christy Metcalf:pause. And I said, Hey, if this entrepreneur thing doesn't work
Christy Metcalf:out, I'll be happy to go get another job. And that was 20
Christy Metcalf:years ago. So it's amazing that I thought the people around me
Christy Metcalf:would be the most supportive and they actually weren't.
Lori Saitz:Yeah, that's interesting, because that
Lori Saitz:happens to a lot of people, they think you would think that the
Lori Saitz:people who are closest to you would be the most supportive,
Lori Saitz:but they're not because you are threatening their way of being.
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, well, and I and honestly, I had everything
Christy Metcalf:that they had ever wanted, right? So I had a life that most
Christy Metcalf:of my family had never even dreamed of, even at 3132 years
Christy Metcalf:old. And why would I Why would I throw that away? Why would I
Christy Metcalf:start all over? Why would I follow the unknown and want to
Christy Metcalf:chart my own course. And I think when they say those things now
Christy Metcalf:that I work with entrepreneurs, when they say those things
Christy Metcalf:there, it's really about them right about you. Right? I can
Christy Metcalf:look back on it. Now. I didn't know that at the time. But it
Christy Metcalf:was really about all their fears and insecurities and doubts
Christy Metcalf:about doing it not about me doing
Lori Saitz:exactly, exactly and this is also why it's so
Lori Saitz:important to have friends whose and you know, and talk to your
Lori Saitz:friends but also why they are not necessarily the best people
Lori Saitz:to help you get to that next level of where you want to go
Lori Saitz:and why coaches are so important because, one, they're what's the
Lori Saitz:word I'm looking for? They're not they're objective,
Christy Metcalf:right? And neutral, totally neutral. That's
Christy Metcalf:the word Yeah.
Lori Saitz:And your friends, again, your friends are
Lori Saitz:threatened because they have their own fears. And you doing
Lori Saitz:those things, whether it's in taking a career step like that,
Lori Saitz:or changing your life in a personal way, right, makes them
Lori Saitz:examine what they're doing and how they're living. And that is
Lori Saitz:scary for them.
Christy Metcalf:It's very scary. And I like to say the
Christy Metcalf:people that are in our inner circle, they only know the
Christy Metcalf:person that we are today. And they can see the history, right,
Christy Metcalf:they can see the behind. But they many times can't see the
Christy Metcalf:future. And we need to surround ourselves when we're in those
Christy Metcalf:huge transitions. We need to surround ourselves with people
Christy Metcalf:that actually see where we're going, not where we came from.
Lori Saitz:Right? And where you could go the possibilities, the
Lori Saitz:possibilities of it all. Yeah. So you mentioned that you went
Lori Saitz:around that room and ask people that question, and you weren't
Lori Saitz:having any fun. So another thing that I hear from a lot of people
Lori Saitz:is, I don't even know what fun is anymore. I've said it myself.
Lori Saitz:Yeah, I have to. What did you do to discover that because
Lori Saitz:obviously taking going out on your own and becoming an
Lori Saitz:entrepreneur is was the thing that you came up with, but
Lori Saitz:that's still business, that's still career, business, what,
Lori Saitz:did you also find fun things to do?
Christy Metcalf:Absolutely. So you know, when I sat down and
Christy Metcalf:looked at my life holistically after that day, I looked at what
Christy Metcalf:was missing that I envisioned in my perfect life, right. And what
Christy Metcalf:was missing was, I was not a part of the community that I
Christy Metcalf:lived in, I wasn't even part of the neighborhood that I lived
Christy Metcalf:in. So my husband and I had lived there. For years, we had
Christy Metcalf:moved to Columbus, Ohio for this job for me to take this job. And
Christy Metcalf:immediately I hit the ground running and I can look back and
Christy Metcalf:see where some of the chaos I created myself. So I was doing a
Christy Metcalf:career transition. I was going from sales into sales, training
Christy Metcalf:and development. And I wanted to prove myself I was hell bent on
Christy Metcalf:becoming the expert. So I had 30 certifications, and I did the
Christy Metcalf:the trips and anything that they needed somebody to do, I wanted
Christy Metcalf:to do it because I wanted to prove that I should be there.
Christy Metcalf:And that actually ended up working against me, right? I
Christy Metcalf:then became this highly qualified, a trained person that
Christy Metcalf:everybody wanted. And that's how I ended up saying yes to all of
Christy Metcalf:these things. So I was my own worst enemy. But I sit down and
Christy Metcalf:I looked at, okay, what were the things in my life that were most
Christy Metcalf:important that I envisioned being in that perfect life that
Christy Metcalf:were no longer there. And so a sense of community being a part
Christy Metcalf:of my neighborhood, my husband was married, but living a single
Christy Metcalf:life, because I was traveling Monday through Friday, I wanted
Christy Metcalf:to know my neighbor's, I wanted to belong to a church, I wanted
Christy Metcalf:to volunteer in the community, like all of those pieces, were
Christy Metcalf:very important to me. And so from that, once I had that clear
Christy Metcalf:picture, I was like, Okay, then how do I design this next step
Christy Metcalf:to have those pieces in it, rather than to defaulting to the
Christy Metcalf:crazy that I've just come out of? And I think many times we do
Christy Metcalf:default, right? Yeah, lives in this dysfunctional system. And
Christy Metcalf:then we come out, we start our own businesses, but we
Christy Metcalf:redesigned what we just left instead. That's all we know.
Christy Metcalf:That's all we know. Right? Instead of redesigning what we
Christy Metcalf:truly want, on our own terms.
Lori Saitz:Yes. And being intentional about
Christy Metcalf:And being intentional about it. Yep,
Christy Metcalf:absolutely.
Lori Saitz:Right. Yes. How? What were the so you sat down
Lori Saitz:and said, Alright, this is what I visualize.
Christy Metcalf:Yep. And then I created a plan. So I spent about
Christy Metcalf:six months, really putting that plan together. Financially, you
Christy Metcalf:know, part of my business plan was financially, we didn't have
Christy Metcalf:kids, we paid all of the bills off except for our house. So we
Christy Metcalf:were in a good financial place, we set some very low goals, like
Christy Metcalf:I needed to make $10,000 you know, in the last quarter of the
Christy Metcalf:year, I actually left and started my business in October.
Christy Metcalf:And so it was like minimal goals, but still goals that I
Christy Metcalf:had to work right. So I the whole goal in the beginning was
Christy Metcalf:to create this balance. And I have to say it was so scary the
Christy Metcalf:first day that I was out of the corporate job and I was home,
Christy Metcalf:because that's reality, right everybody I know is working. I
Christy Metcalf:have I have now just because I hung a shingle out I said this
Christy Metcalf:is my new job doesn't mean that I actually believed that. In
Christy Metcalf:fact, I tell the story all the time, of how every quarter I
Christy Metcalf:would send a tax return in you know, because as business
Christy Metcalf:owners, we do quarterly taxes and I would sign my signature
Christy Metcalf:and then it says title and I would put president and for
Christy Metcalf:years, every quarter, I was afraid that IRS was going to
Christy Metcalf:call and say what you're really not a president of a company,
Christy Metcalf:right? So it takes a while to like, step into that skin, new
Christy Metcalf:role, whatever that new role is, you know, I think about when I
Christy Metcalf:had kids stepping into that mother role, stepping into that
Christy Metcalf:wife role stepping into a partner role, or a business
Christy Metcalf:owner, like it's a transition. It's not just overnight. And
Christy Metcalf:I've always used this phrase, it was it's in a book called
Christy Metcalf:managing transitions. And he says, you know, transitions
Christy Metcalf:begin with endings, and end with new beginnings. And in the
Christy Metcalf:middle, is all the emotion that we don't stop to realize it's
Christy Metcalf:going to happen. And I've always remembered that,
Lori Saitz:yes, so how do you address that emotion because
Lori Saitz:again, people are conditioned to not feel. I've had conversations
Lori Saitz:with so many of my guests and clients and just people I talked
Lori Saitz:to who have actually grown up not been and been the value
Lori Saitz:instilled in them was we don't have emotions or we don't
Lori Saitz:express them, we stuffed them down and like you were talking
Lori Saitz:about, we just keep going on. You didn't say that that was
Lori Saitz:part of your family. But but the, you know, nose to the
Lori Saitz:grindstone? Don't we don't do feelings?
Christy Metcalf:That's exactly right. Yeah, my family wasn't
Christy Metcalf:total opposite of that. But But we did you know, we did push
Christy Metcalf:through. And I would like to say that today, I am much healthier
Christy Metcalf:in the way that I handle those emotions and transitions than I
Christy Metcalf:was in my early 30s when I started my business. But you
Christy Metcalf:know, one of the things is, there's tremendous power with
Christy Metcalf:sitting in the discomfort. And we try to fill the discomfort. I
Christy Metcalf:actually call it buffering, and buffering, I think of it as the
Christy Metcalf:spinning wheel of death on a computer, right? When you're
Christy Metcalf:trying to get to a page and it's just buffering. And it's action,
Christy Metcalf:but it's not good action. And so when we feel uncomfortable, we
Christy Metcalf:reach for things that make us feel better in the moment,
Christy Metcalf:right? We shop online, we drink the zone out on Facebook, we veg
Christy Metcalf:out in front of the TV on Netflix for four hours. Yeah,
Christy Metcalf:no, and it makes us feel good in the moment. But overall, it's
Christy Metcalf:not fixing the problem. And I say, you know, have a glass of
Christy Metcalf:wine, do whatever it is you want to do. But don't get caught in
Christy Metcalf:the endless loop to where you're living there and not moving
Christy Metcalf:forward. So now I recognize it, you know, I don't eat the whole
Christy Metcalf:bag of m&ms when I'm feeling the discomfort i just i i find
Christy Metcalf:healthier options. Maybe it's just a handful of m&ms versus
Christy Metcalf:the whole bag. But it's recognizing that and I think you
Christy Metcalf:know, many times with age comes wisdom, in that I've learned all
Christy Metcalf:of those skills and coping mechanisms through the years.
Lori Saitz:Yeah. Do you use any, any tools now? Like
Lori Saitz:journaling? or meditation? Or how do you keep yourself
Lori Saitz:grounded and focus now?
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, I do. Both, actually. So I start my
Christy Metcalf:morning off with journaling. And then I do meditation a couple
Christy Metcalf:times throughout the day, and it's becoming very centered and
Christy Metcalf:present is to how I'm feeling at that moment. And, and just
Christy Metcalf:understanding you know, one of the things I've taught emotional
Christy Metcalf:intelligence for years, and I've tried to teach both of my young
Christy Metcalf:children that emotions are not good or bad, they just are
Christy Metcalf:right, and they're all there to serve a purpose. You know, fear
Christy Metcalf:is there to protect us. We want to feel fear, anger is there to
Christy Metcalf:protect us. All of the emotions are there for a reason. And we
Christy Metcalf:have to allow each of them to surface and then understand
Christy Metcalf:where they coming from, you know, what thoughts are creating
Christy Metcalf:those emotions that I'm feeling? And do I want to allow them to
Christy Metcalf:control me? Or do I want to change the story about them? And
Christy Metcalf:and how long am I going to let myself sit and stew and wallow
Christy Metcalf:in the self pity, and then pull myself out of it and go forward?
Lori Saitz:Right? I just saw something recently to about
Lori Saitz:emotions. So you said emotion serving a purpose. Yeah,
Lori Saitz:emotions as an indicator.
Christy Metcalf:Yes, it's our warning signal, right? Actually,
Christy Metcalf:you know, emotions, start firing off the limbic system in our in
Christy Metcalf:our reptilian brain, and they're actually warning systems. That's
Christy Metcalf:why we feel them like our body goes through a natural change
Christy Metcalf:whenever those feelings come up, you know, and if we are scared
Christy Metcalf:and self protection, like all of the body emotions, like the
Christy Metcalf:reptilian brain and the respiratory all go into
Christy Metcalf:protecting us, so they are there. Now we have as human
Christy Metcalf:beings, and Evolved Human beings we have to decide, right? Am I
Christy Metcalf:really in fear and need protection, or is it a false
Christy Metcalf:fear that's coming up and we have to recognize that right?
Christy Metcalf:It's no longer I'm running from the saber toothed tiger, but it
Christy Metcalf:could be stressed and overwhelmed giving Off the same
Christy Metcalf:indicators,
Lori Saitz:right? And as is this fear, I'm physically in
Lori Saitz:harm's way, or it's just something I don't feel
Lori Saitz:comfortable doing. Is it? comfortable? Yeah. And in which
Lori Saitz:case, oftentimes, feeling that fear means you have to move
Lori Saitz:forward towards the thing. Like that's the indicator is the
Lori Saitz:thing you need to do, because that's where your growth is.
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, yeah. So when I work with clients, I
Christy Metcalf:actually take them through a whole, we call it the thought
Christy Metcalf:download model, and they become very in tune to their thoughts
Christy Metcalf:and their feelings, because your thoughts direct your feelings,
Christy Metcalf:your feelings, direct your actions, your actions, direct
Christy Metcalf:your results. And when they feel those warning signals, go off
Christy Metcalf:those firing emotions, to pause and think about where they're
Christy Metcalf:coming from. Because they will always give you indicators,
Christy Metcalf:right? It will always be clues. Why do I feel uncomfortable
Christy Metcalf:here? Why am I feeling afraid? Why am I feeling angry? And it
Christy Metcalf:really is, the whole premise is to become so self aware that you
Christy Metcalf:can, you're not going to mitigate completely the emotion
Christy Metcalf:being fired off. But you can mitigate how long you stay in
Christy Metcalf:that emotion.
Lori Saitz:Right? Yeah, exactly. And recognize whether
Lori Saitz:that's truly your own emotion? Or is that coming from someplace
Lori Saitz:else that gets passed down to you
Christy Metcalf:absolutely. peeling back the onion? And is
Christy Metcalf:this something that I picked up? Because of my childhood? Or is
Christy Metcalf:this something that's truly I want to hang on to? And you
Christy Metcalf:know, I've had several times like that, like, one of my
Christy Metcalf:biggest fears is being embarrassed, you know, like,
Christy Metcalf:literally looking like an idiot in front of a group of people
Christy Metcalf:and not looking smart, and embarrassing myself. And so
Christy Metcalf:there were times earlier on in my career when I was younger,
Christy Metcalf:that if someone would question, something that I had done or
Christy Metcalf:said, right, those warning signals would fire off. Oh, my
Christy Metcalf:gosh, I'm looking stupid right now. And it has nothing to do
Christy Metcalf:with that. It's just they were asking for clarification.
Lori Saitz:Right? Yeah, I can completely relate. Yeah. Why are
Lori Saitz:you questioning me? Right? Question me? Yeah. And I've had
Lori Saitz:the opposite. The opposite happen. I remember, at one of my
Lori Saitz:very first jobs, I was asking a lot of questions, I tend to ask
Lori Saitz:it, which is why I love doing my podcast, because I get to ask
Lori Saitz:questions. But because I'm genuinely curious. Yeah. And
Lori Saitz:this woman who was my new boss, would take offense, because she
Lori Saitz:thought I was questioning her authority or her ability
Christy Metcalf:Intellingence,
Lori Saitz:Yeah, her intelligence. But I genuinely
Lori Saitz:just wanted to know, because I was new. I didn't know anything.
Lori Saitz:I wanted to know everything.
Christy Metcalf:Yeah. And those were all about her. Yeah, not
Christy Metcalf:about you. Right at all. And I, you know, through the years, I
Christy Metcalf:have learned that I cannot control other people's thoughts,
Christy Metcalf:what they think about me what they feel about me, that's all
Christy Metcalf:on them. So I just have to do I have to do me and let them do
Christy Metcalf:them.
Lori Saitz:Yes, exactly. Are you you mentioned your your
Lori Saitz:children are? I'm wondering, you know, I don't have children. But
Lori Saitz:I wonder about this a lot of instilling when we talk about
Lori Saitz:instilling values, and then not worrying so much about what
Lori Saitz:other people think of you and downloading that to a child's
Lori Saitz:brain?
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, well, I would love to say that the work
Christy Metcalf:that I've done for the last 20 years has made me a better
Christy Metcalf:parent. And I waited later in life to become a parent, but you
Christy Metcalf:have really, you know, they can do them. And you can do you not
Christy Metcalf:to get so hung up, I see it. Now I have a teenager. And I just
Christy Metcalf:see if there's this period where you want to fit in, I remember
Christy Metcalf:that period where you don't want to stand out, you want to blend,
Christy Metcalf:you want the shoes and the backpack and everything to look
Christy Metcalf:like everybody else's. And yet, you know, I'm standing over here
Christy Metcalf:on the sideline saying, Oh, my gosh, please stand out, I want
Christy Metcalf:you to stand out. And she's like, I'll stand out when the
Christy Metcalf:time is right. So it really is the the more confidence, you
Christy Metcalf:know, girls confidence plummets by around age 10. It's at its
Christy Metcalf:highest point like age 10. And then it starts declining. And I
Christy Metcalf:really hope that we are changing that for the girls who are
Christy Metcalf:following us in our footsteps right now. Because I think it's
Christy Metcalf:a tragedy that they I watched it, I was actually a chaperone.
Christy Metcalf:And both of my girls camp trips that they do a school in fifth
Christy Metcalf:grade. And I saw the boys volunteer first and try new
Christy Metcalf:things and fail quicker. And the girls would sort of hold back
Christy Metcalf:and just wait. And I asked the teachers, I said, Is this
Christy Metcalf:indicative of fifth grade? And she said yes, they all agreed,
Christy Metcalf:yes, it is. And I want my kids to fail early. I want them not
Christy Metcalf:to be afraid of failure, not to be afraid of embarrassing
Christy Metcalf:themselves, you know, because failure means you're trying it.
Christy Metcalf:And the next time and the next time it's gonna get easier.
Lori Saitz:Yeah, I think it was Sara, Sara Blakely, I heard her
Lori Saitz:speak, speak. She's the founder of Spanx for people who don't
Lori Saitz:know who she is. But that at her dinner table when she was
Lori Saitz:growing up, her dad would always ask, what did you fail at today?
Lori Saitz:I love that it was her family, but somewhere, somebody Yeah,
Christy Metcalf:I'm going to incorporate that. I like that.
Christy Metcalf:that was the thing.
Christy Metcalf:Well, and because we are so conditioned not to fail, right?
Christy Metcalf:It's, it's just a, it's like a sword through our heart to fail
Christy Metcalf:to even think about the pride and the ego. And yet life is
Christy Metcalf:about failure. You know, you try. If we think about all the
Christy Metcalf:greats, the great inventors, Thomas Edison, he failed more
Christy Metcalf:than he succeeded. How many times have you have to fail in
Christy Metcalf:order to make it work. And I think that we tend to forget
Christy Metcalf:that we, even in business, I see new business owners, they want
Christy Metcalf:to make a video and have it go viral, they want to write one,
Christy Metcalf:one email and have it sell millions. And it just doesn't
Christy Metcalf:work that way. It's failure every single day, picking
Christy Metcalf:yourself back up and doing it again.
Lori Saitz:It's really to about redefining what that word even
Lori Saitz:means, right? Because it doesn't mean it doesn't define you.
Lori Saitz:First of all, failure doesn't define you. But also, it just
Lori Saitz:means you didn't get the outcome you were expecting. Right?
Christy Metcalf:And there's next time, right, then I, when I
Christy Metcalf:left corporate, I actually worked with a coach. And that
Christy Metcalf:was her question. How would you define failure in this next
Christy Metcalf:venture? What does failure look like? And I had reached a point
Christy Metcalf:where I said, failure is not trying. So anything else? And
Christy Metcalf:then she said, Okay, what would failure really look like,
Christy Metcalf:though, in your business? And I said, that I couldn't get one
Christy Metcalf:client like that would that would be what failure look like?
Christy Metcalf:And she said, Do you think that that's possible? And I said,
Christy Metcalf:Absolutely not. I mean, somebody would buy for me, I just knew
Christy Metcalf:that it wasn't possible that I had spent 11 years selling, and
Christy Metcalf:that I could not get one person to buy something from me. So at
Christy Metcalf:that point, as soon as I said that, what it meant to me what
Christy Metcalf:it looked like, it totally diffused it. I was like, I can't
Christy Metcalf:fail. Yeah, by my own standards, I cannot fail.
Lori Saitz:Right? And we hear that question a lot of times,
Lori Saitz:like, what would you do? If you knew you wouldn't fail? Right?
Lori Saitz:If you knew failure wasn't possible, right? But taking a
Lori Saitz:step back of what does failure even mean? And so then answering
Lori Saitz:that question, like, that just opens up so much possibility,
Lori Saitz:right. And that comes back to the whole, like, brings the
Lori Saitz:conversation kind of full circle of, of doing what you love
Lori Saitz:finding the thing. That is fun, right for you.
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, I I had someone early on in my career,
Christy Metcalf:tell me, you know, find something that you love doing so
Christy Metcalf:much, that you would do it for free, but that you're so good at
Christy Metcalf:that people want to pay you to do it. And that has always stuck
Christy Metcalf:with me because it is about having fun, and working with
Christy Metcalf:clients that, that bring out the best in you and you bring out
Christy Metcalf:the best in them. And everybody has a group of people that
Christy Metcalf:they're meant to serve. And when I watch new business owners say,
Christy Metcalf:Oh, you know, I can sell everybody I'm like, you really
Christy Metcalf:don't want to, we've all worked with a difficult customer, the
Christy Metcalf:customer that we dreaded, you know, at the end of the project
Christy Metcalf:working with and we're like, we will never work with them again.
Christy Metcalf:Yeah. So it is about enjoying what you do, doing what you love
Christy Metcalf:what you're good at, not focusing on what you're not good
Christy Metcalf:at, but focusing on what you are good at. And finding those other
Christy Metcalf:people that complement you in those areas that you may not
Christy Metcalf:have a skill set or a strength. And then you're both working in
Christy Metcalf:your zone of genius,
Lori Saitz:right? building your team of people that you work
Lori Saitz:with and building your tribe of your ideal clients.
Christy Metcalf:Absolutely. That's the name of the game.
Christy Metcalf:That is,
Lori Saitz:before we wrap this up. Tell me what song you listen
Lori Saitz:to when you need to get into that happy mood when you need
Lori Saitz:that extra boost of energy. And you know, the song that you
Lori Saitz:can't sit still too.
Christy Metcalf:Yep, so the song is I've Got a Feeling by
Christy Metcalf:Black Eyed Peas. And I crank it and blast it and it works every
Christy Metcalf:single time.
Lori Saitz:Good song good song. Yeah, I'm just see. I can see in
Lori Saitz:your car right now. windows are rolled up. Right, but you're
Lori Saitz:dancing it.
Christy Metcalf:That's exactly it. My kids know that. That's
Christy Metcalf:the song. If people if we're having a bad day in the house,
Christy Metcalf:that is the song that is cranked up full force. And it's amazing
Christy Metcalf:how it will just turn it around. Right? Because you cannot sit
Christy Metcalf:still. But some of that music has the ability to do I know it
Christy Metcalf:really is it. Music has the ability to inspire us to create
Christy Metcalf:emotion within us. I mean it's amazing.
Lori Saitz:Yeah, it is. It is So if people want to continue a
Lori Saitz:conversation with you how what's the best way for them to get in
Lori Saitz:touch with you?
Christy Metcalf:Yeah, best way is LinkedIn. So I'm always
Christy Metcalf:hanging out there. And you know, I do work with clients, I do a
Christy Metcalf:small group programs. I am passionate about helping
Christy Metcalf:business owners, small business owner solopreneurs, make money
Christy Metcalf:and get out of their way Get out of their head. And I work in
Christy Metcalf:small cohorts where it is low content, high action, high
Christy Metcalf:accountability, to make their financial dreams and their
Christy Metcalf:business, everything that they want it to be.
Lori Saitz:Okay, so find you on LinkedIn.
Christy Metcalf:Yep. Christy Metcalf. Yeah. Find me on
Christy Metcalf:LinkedIn. My website CEO learning systems. I've got that
Christy Metcalf:going on right now. And yeah, reach out. Let's have a
Christy Metcalf:conversation about what the struggles and the pain points
Christy Metcalf:are. I have 25 years in business, working with fortune
Christy Metcalf:500 all the way down to nonprofits and solopreneurs.
Christy Metcalf:There's probably not a question I can't answer or find somebody
Christy Metcalf:who can answer it for me.
Lori Saitz:Excellent. Excellent. Well, thank you so
Lori Saitz:much for joining. We'll we'll we will put links to all of that in
Lori Saitz:the show notes. And thank you so much for joining us today on
Lori Saitz:Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
Christy Metcalf:Thanks, Lori.