141. Regenerating Joy with Brad Chandler

From the very first episode of Fine is a 4-Letter Word, where my guest revealed that she did not even know what emotions were until she was in middle age because she was punished as a child for having them, I’ve been sharing stories of what happens from the inside out.

My mission and drive for this podcast is to give you hope, help you find your passion and purpose, and dare you to see the life that’s waiting for you, so you’ll never hear – or say – the word “fine” in the same way again.

Brad Chandler, who was my client/boss when I was the marketing director for his real estate company, brings a level of clarity and understanding to this work that could change your life in just the next few minutes.

See, Brad was created – not raised – with the belief that something was wrong with him and he was never good enough. Note how I phrased this.

His parents didn’t mean for this to happen. It was simply a consequence of how they processed – or failed to process – their own traumas that were handed to them through generational patterns. They handed them down to Brad.

Fast-forward to when Brad was in his mid-40s. He had a successful company and a boat, but he also had two failed marriages, two kids who lived with severe anxiety, a feeling that even though he was wealthy and owned a successful company he had not succeeded, a lack of joy, and a propensity to smoke a lot of weed.

Lots of people get divorced, have anxious kids, question their self-worth, lack joy, smoke a little weed now and then, and they seem fine on the day-to-day.

But you know… you guessed it… Fine is a 4-Letter Word.

Looking at all these situations, Brad noticed a common denominator in all these situations – Brad Chandler.

Why didn’t Brad Chandler ever seem to be good enough?

Why wasn’t all that hard work paying off for him emotionally?

He was scared. He was hurt. He realized he was protecting himself from something. What did a wealthy guy who from the outside had an incredibly blessed life need protection from?

In a moment, when you meet Brad, you’re not only going to join him on his journey of self-discovery – that has changed him and made him possibly the happiest guy on earth – you’re also going to get a step-by-step prescription on how to understand and sort your own emotions so you finally come to understand that yes, you are good enough.

If you can’t see that for yourself right now, gift yourself this episode now.

Brad’s hype song is “Roar” by Katy Perry.

Resources:

Invitation from Lori:

Now if, like Brad, you just don’t feel like you’re good enough, you’re always afraid, and you can’t quite see for yourself why, the 5 Easy Ways to Start Living The Sabbatical Life guide can provide some answers that can change your life now.

Once you read it, you’ll

✅ Discover a counter-intuitive approach to making intentional changes in mindset and lifestyle.

✅ Learn how to own your feelings and your struggles so you can address them.

✅ Find out how to face fears, step out of your comfort zone, and rewire your beliefs.

It’s only 7 pages, so it won’t take you long to get through. Using what you discover, you may very soon begin to see yourself as the common denominator in your life who regenerates joy and is, indeed, good enough.

When you’re ready to say F*ck Being Fine, this guide is the place to start. It’s time to know what you’re worth, and go out and get what you’re worth.

Go to https://zenrabbit.com right now to download it for free.

Now let’s meet Brad. He’s sitting there in the corner booth reading a book with a grin on his face. Do you have a penny for his thoughts?

Transcript

Lori: Hello, and welcome to FINE is a 4-Letter Word. My guest today, Brad Chandler. Welcome to the show.

Brad: Hey, thanks for having me.

Lori: Brad and I have known each other for several years. I used to work for Brad’s company. Essentially, you gave me the title of director of marketing for your company. We had a lot of fun. But a lot has changed since then. It’s been almost 10 years.

Brad: Crazy how fast time flies.

Lori: Really. It really is. Yeah. So I wanted to have you on the show for a while because you have a really interesting story, and I think it’ll be valuable to listeners. So let’s jump right in.

Brad: Great. All right.

Lori: What were the values and beliefs you were raised with that contributed to you becoming who you became?

Brad: Wow. The beliefs that I created were that something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough. It drove me for 47 years. There was some good and there was lots of bad. The good part was I thought money was the way to prove my worth, because that’s how my dad showed me love was through money. So I figured out how to make millions of dollars. I made millions of dollars and I also gave back millions of dollars. So if you look at the positives, there were a lot of positives. But that was one that I was able to make money and create a company that now runs without me. But there were lots and lots of negatives in there, too, that were driven by this lack of belief. There was $9 million worth of business mistakes, five business mistakes. There were two marriages that didn’t work out, two kids with anxiety. My health was okay but it’s nothing like it was today. That was the major belief that drove—and I guess the values may be hard work. So I paired those together. And here we are, 50 years later, a lot has changed in the last three years.

Lori: You answered that question so differently than every other guest I’ve ever had because they go into what values were instilled in them by their parents versus the ones the way you interpreted as the beliefs that you created yourself.

Brad: What I’ve learned after working with over 100 people and studying under some of the best, I think, in the world that have helped thousands of people find freedom and happiness by this very thing, it’s turning around those self-limiting beliefs. Lori, I have yet to meet someone. Maybe one person of the hundreds and hundreds of people I spoke with, I’ve yet to meet someone who didn’t have some type of stressful situation in their childhood or some unmet need that they didn’t create a meaning around that is somehow today negatively affecting their lives and typically all areas of their lives.

Lori: How do you know what those beliefs are?

Brad: If I would have been listening to the show five years ago, my lack of feeling enough led me to lack self-love and had a low self-image. But if I would have heard this, I’d have been like, “No, I have a high self-image. I love myself. I don’t care what other people think.” But it was all a lie. I really did. That’s why I used weed and alcohol quite frequently to feel comfortable in social situations. So, for people like me, I created the self-love quiz, it takes three minutes, it’s 12 questions. You can take it at bradchandler.com/quiz. If you scored in one of the lower two tiers, it’s either extreme self-love, mild self-love, or lack of self-love. If you scored the two lower ones, it’s a clear indication that you have negative beliefs that are driving your life.

Now, how do you figure those out? I mean, there’s a thousand different ways, right? But what I do is I go back to the scenes where you had stress, or your needs weren’t met, or there was some type of trauma, and we have a conversation around, “What did it mean to you? At the end of the day, my dad’s hitting me with a belt. Why is this happening to me? I must be bad. That’s how I internalize it.” So you just go back and you figure it out. Because no one’s born with depression, anxiety, addiction. It’s all learned behavior. So what we have to do is we got to go back to the source of one we learned it.

And then what you’re going to figure out every single time—this is incredible. Every negative symptom in your life right now, whether it’s drinking too much, eating too much, anxiety, depression—I literally could go on for hours—is your brain’s attempt to solve a problem that it thinks is more painful than even the negativity that comes from, say, drinking a 12 pack of beer a night? This thing that we’re running from is the meaning that I’m talking about typically, and that meaning is untrue. So when we show our brain that has a built-in mismatch detector, the way I’ve been living for 47 years under this untruth and I’m not enough, but let me think about all the times in my life where I was enough, your brain can’t hold conflicting thoughts. So what happens is when that clicks in your brain, it’s like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh my gosh, I am enough. Then the symptoms literally go away instantaneously. And if it’s done right, they never return.

Lori: Is this like a generational thing, though? You talked about people who grew up in families with alcohol abuse, or drug abuse, or any kind of abuse, or it doesn’t even have to be abuse. You mentioned being brought up with a value that it’s important to work hard. So that gets passed down through generations. Are those kind of beliefs?

Brad: Your question is, is this a generational thing?

Lori: Yes, the beliefs.

Brad: Hell yeah. People say, “Oh, my depression runs in my family. Alcoholism runs in my family.” Bullshit. Alcoholism doesn’t run in your family. What runs in your family is the associated trauma that the alcoholic puts out. So yes, my parents didn’t wake up and say, “Hey, we’re going to screw that kid Brad up.” No, they were doing the absolute best they could do based on their childhood. And why was their childhood not the greatest? Because of their parents and their parents. So, yes, most human beings are living in what is called the multigenerational curse. I believe if you have children and you’re listening to this, the greatest gift you can ever give your child, it’s not to teach them how to work harder. There’s one thing and one thing only, it’s to break this multigenerational curse forever. Because I think if you break it in one generation, it should continue on and on and on. Just like we passed the bad things, we can pass the good things.

So how do you do that? You teach your child how to love themselves unconditionally. How can you as a parent teach a child how to love themselves unconditionally if you don’t? You can’t. I didn’t, and hence why my two kids had anxiety. I was a single dad. I did everything for them all the time. And when I was told three years ago on a call that you have a tick, you blink when you talk about your childhood, this may be affecting your son’s anxiety. That’s why I was on the call. I was trying to get my son help for anxiety. I was like, “Me? No way. I’m a great dad. I’m a single dad, I do everything.” Now in hindsight, I see why I gave him anxiety, because I didn’t feel enough. So my subconscious mind was like, “Oh, well, if my son, if he can play on the PGA Tour, I’m going to be enough.” Not consciously. It was unconscious. I was unconsciously pushing him. And I promise you, I’m not the only one doing that with my kids.

Lori: Absolutely, absolutely. Is there a way to avoid it, though? We’ve talked on the show before about you’re not responsible for what happened to you as a child. That was not in your control. You are, however, responsible now as an adult to heal whatever is not working for you.

Brad: Yes,

Lori: So even if you do that, children are still going to develop their own beliefs around certain things that maybe you didn’t intend.

Brad: That’s possible. But if you create a safe place for them, they can come to you with those beliefs. Do you know how many out of my 100 clients that I’ve asked that said, “Was there someone in your life that you felt safe going to with anything?” I don’t know that one person, maybe one out of 100, has ever said that. So, yes, that’s possible. Very unlikely.

I want to touch on something that you said. It’s not your responsibility what happened as a child. 100%. But it is your responsibility to heal. I want to use me as an example. I’m 46 years old. I’m 47. I’m 47, my second wife walks out on me in the middle of COVID. I’m looking at my life. I’m like, “Well, this really sucks.” But look, I tried. I went to marriage counseling. So it’s her fault. She gave up. My first wife, well, she has all kinds of issues. It’s her fault. So what if I smoke weed every night? A lot of people smoke weed at night. So what if I drink? So what if my kids have behavior problems? I didn’t even know, Lori, that I had an issue. I’m just, “I’m okay. I’m doing okay money-wise. I got a boat. I got a nice house. My kids, they’re not great, but they’re not homeless, a drug addict out doing something crazy.” So, I didn’t even know there was a problem.

So, I would say that after listening to the show, you do have a responsibility. But me as an example, I didn’t even know that I had an issue. So if you’re listening to this and you’re like, “Wow, I don’t know if I have an issue.” Go take the self-love quiz. And in 12 questions, you’re going to know if you have an issue or not.

Lori: Yes, that’s a great thing to do. I recommend going and taking it. Another way I would suspect is if somebody doesn’t have everything going… From the outside, yes, it looks like your life was amazing. I was an observer of that, so I can say, “Yeah.” But other people have things that aren’t going the way they want. They’re not making the money they would like to be or their relationships are not going how they should. There’s clearly something isn’t working for them.

Brad: 100%. Some of the questions in the self-love quiz is “Do you have problems being in a deeply connected, safe relationship?” If you’re not in a relationship, haven’t been for years, or everyone you get into, it’s just like, “Oh my God, I picked the wrong person,” that’s an indication. If you take things personally, if you’re upset a lot, if you’re in an anxious state, if you drink too much, if you have any type of addiction, if you have self-destructive behaviors, those are all indications that yes, there are beliefs that are controlling you. And some people know it and some people don’t. Most people have no idea what’s driving their behavior.

Lori: Right. They don’t even understand to the level of what drives your behavior is your beliefs and how your brain is wired. They don’t even know that beliefs are what drive your habits, which drives your actions, which contributes to your results.

Brad: Yes, it’s a loop, your thinking. And in my case, the thinking was, “I’m not enough.” It creates an emotion. Anytime someone challenged me or I felt attacked, I would get sad, I would get angry. That would cause me to either fight back or go smoke weed or drink. And that reinforces often, “See, I’m not enough.” I wake up hung over. I’m like, “Why did I do this again?” So yes, it’s that vicious thought loop that we get caught in.

Lori: Okay. So the next obvious question to me is how do you get out of it?

Brad: How do you get out of the vicious thought loop?

Lori: Yeah.

Brad: This is great. I created this, I think, amazing tool called the Joy Regenerator, and it’s just what it sounds. It’s when you’re in these bad spots, how do you get back into joy? So anytime you have a negative feeling, your body is in a fight-or-flight state. What does that mean? It means you’re thinking about what happened in the past and you’re thinking about what could go wrong in the future. So we need to get you in the present moment so you can process your emotion. So do some breathing, the Navy SEAL box breathing for three or four seconds. Pause for three or four seconds. Out for four or five seconds. Pause for four or five seconds. Do that a couple times. And then I want you to identify what you’re feeling. I’m going to literally teach you how to process your emotions. Very few people, as children, ever learn this. You can also teach this to your kids.

Now I want you to identify what are you feeling? There are so many people that can’t even feel their emotion. Because the second that they start to feel them, they turn to weed or work or sex or porn or drugs. “I am feeling sad.” Say that out loud. Because what that’s doing, it’s a brain hack. You’re in the amygdala, the fight or flight brain, when you’re feeling negative, by thinking you are forced to go to your prefrontal cortex which is actually pulling you out of the amygdala. So it’s a little brain hack into the prefrontal cortex, so it’s going to help your fight or flight.

Then you’re going to give yourself compassion for that. How many times did you as a child get compassion for your emotions? Most of us didn’t. So when those negative feelings come up, it’s not the 47-year-old Brad, it’s the six-year-old Brad. So give yourself compassion. Just say, “It’s okay, Brad, that you’re feeling sad. I’ve got you.”

Then I want you to think about three things you can be grateful for about the current situation, and you can always do that.

Lori: You know I love the gratitude thing.

Brad: Then the next step is where did it come from? Now, this might be the most difficult thing. And that’s we really unlock dealing with or helping our clients unlock. But let’s say you really want to go into self-discovery on your own. Go into a deeply meditative state, deeply relaxed. Go to YouTube and find a half an hour meditation, and then do what I’ve just said. Go back and figure out the times in your life where you created these meanings. Because every time you have a negative emotion or you’re fighting with your spouse, it has nothing to do with the actual situation. It’s your brain saying, “Danger, danger, danger.” So it’s going into the past tense, pulling in a belief from meaning and putting it into that thing.

So now the final stage is what was the original thought that created my sadness? For me, every single time I ever feel a negative emotion, it goes back to the kid “I’m not enough.” So I asked myself, “Am I enough?” and the answer now is, “Of course, I’m enough. You’re enough. You always were enough, you always will be enough.” So I asked myself, “Why am I going to be sad over a thought that isn’t even true?” Then kick back into joy.

The next step when this happens in a relationship, you say, “Lori, what you just said, made me sad. It’s not your fault. But would you help me process it so that I can heal and we can become better connected?” Is that a little different than Lori telling me, if we are in a relationship, “Brad, I’m mad because you just did this.” And I’m like, “Well, you did this, this, and this. And last year and this and this.” Then I get mad, and then I leave and I’m like, “I’m cold and distant to her for three days.” That’s how my life used to work in my relationships because that’s all I knew. I was hurt. I was scared. I was protecting myself.

Lori: Is that how your parents process things?

Brad: Yeah. There was a lot of fighting, a lot of yelling. A lot of my dad slamming the door and walking out. Yeah, my dad had no idea how to deal with his emotions. He either probably drank or worked, for sure.

Lori: It’s interesting because we talk a lot on the show, too, about emotions from the very first interview I ever did for this show with Pam. She brought it up. I don’t even remember how we got into it. But her point was, in her family, they did not have emotions. She didn’t even know what emotions were until she got into therapy in her late 40s.

Brad: Dr. Gabor Maté talks about kids have two primary needs. Attachment. If you’re not attached to your parents, how many days do you survive? Not many. Then the other thing is authenticity. What does authenticity really mean? It means the ability to be yourself, share your emotions, and follow your gut. A couple thousand years ago, you see a line, you’re like, “I’m not going to worry about that.” What happens? You’re dead.

So with your friend, who couldn’t feel emotions, there was a very, very early time in her life where she showed emotions and something bad happened. So her little brain said, “Okay, I’m in survival now. If I detach from my parents because my emotion just caused them to get angry at me or shut down. So I’m doing something bad by being myself. So I’ve got to pick one or the other.” You’re always going to pick attachment because, again, without food and water, you’re dead. So what do you do? You change who you are. You’d lose connection from yourself, you become disconnected. That’s why we have 33% of Americans on an anti-anxiety or antidepressant. That’s why we have 70% of Americans on a prescription drug and like 62% on two. People are like, “What was I to do?” If you have stress and you have bottled up emotions, do you not think they’re going to cause you sickness? Yes. It’s the major source of sickness in this world. If I’d heard this five years ago, I’d been like, “That dude’s crazy.” No, I’ve got books by doctors on my shelf that verify it’s the truth.

Lori: Yeah, absolutely. It’s the truth. I’ve been saying that for years, too. People are like, “No, it’s genetic. It’s this, it’s that.” No. That’s control—

Brad: There’s like 1/100 of a percent of diseases. If there’s such a small percentage of diseases that are genetic, it is insane. Western medicine, though, they love the autoimmune. Autoimmune, by the way, is mostly stress. Then they love the idiopathic. What does idiopathic mean? There’s no known cause. Yes, there’s a cause. If you have self-contempt, it’s the opposite of self-love. This is from my buddy Mark Mincolla. Self-contempt creates dis-ease. Your body is out of ease. And what’s the next step? Disease. Dis-ease causes disease. It sure does.

So the universe is perfect. You either solve your issues and your beliefs that are messing you up or guess what? The universe solves them for you through sickness or death. It’s that easy.

Lori: So then the question becomes… Let’s say you have some kind of dis-ease, and your regular doctors are just like, “Yeah, we’re just going to cut that out or give you a drug for it,” in your experience, how do you go about finding somebody who can help you heal yourself in a different way?

Brad: I’m going to answer that but I mentioned the Joy Regenerator, I want to give that to your audience completely free. If you go to bradchandler.com/joy, you can download it and I’ll give it and explain it. Our video and everything is pretty cool. So if you’ve got a sickness and you’re being told it’s autoimmune and they want to put you on drugs, because Western medicine loves to diagnose, label and put on drugs—

Lori: Because pharmaceuticals, they want to collect everybody’s money. Anyway.

Brad: And they’re doing a damn good job because 70% of Americans are on a prescription drug.

Lori: Absolutely.

Brad: So if you’re being told that you’ve got autoimmune disease… By the way, what doctor have you ever been to that said, “Hey, what was your childhood like? What’s your stress level like?” I’ve never been to one. So you have got to go find someone who knows that how you heal disease isn’t about diagnosing you, labeling you, and putting on drugs. If drugs worked, we wouldn’t have 33% of Americans on an antidepressant/anti-anxiety. Yet hospitalizations for anxiety or depression are going through the roof. So they don’t work. Most of them don’t work. There is a place for them if you’re in a really, really, really bad spot so that you can actually start therapy. So go find someone.

A couple of resources: “Heal” on Amazon is an amazing documentary on healing through fixing your limiting beliefs. My friend Mark Mincolla has a documentary in a book called The Way of Miracles. He’s helped over 60,000 people in the last 40 years. Go find someone like him, someone who understands that—look, if you look at this Ayurveda—mind, body, spirit—has been around for 5000 years. They didn’t have drugs back then. But they heal through the mind-body-spirit connection. You can heal that way, too.

Lori: Did you ever read the book Dying To Be Me? Was it called Dying To Be Me?

Brad: No.

Lori: Her name is escaping my head. It starts with an A. I’ll look it up. But it’s about a woman who was dead, pretty much, from cancer in the hospital on an operating table, dead. She had this vision that she could heal herself and she came back to life. Within—I think it was like six or eight weeks, the cancer had left her body.

Brad: Yes, there are stories like that that Mark in Way of Miracles talks about, and then The Heal documentary. It happens.

Lori: Yes, absolutely. It’s pretty cool. I got to look up her name. Anita Moorjani: Dying To Be Me. Yeah, really fascinating book. “My journey from cancer to healing,” I think it is.

Brad: That’s awesome.

Lori: It’s really cool. She was actually discovered by Wayne Dyer, her story. He heard her story and then he brought her into the world to share this story.

Brad: He is one of my all-time favorites. He’s probably my idol now, now that I think about it. I’d be Wayne Dyer before I was Tony Robbins in a heartbeat.

Lori: Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Brad: Not that I have anything against Tony Robbins. He’s a wonderful man. But Wayne Dyer, oh my God. I love that man.

Lori: He was such a good human. I met him a couple of times.

Brad: Oh, wow. You did? That’s awesome.

Lori: Yeah, really cool guy. And then there’s another book called The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton.

Brad: I follow Bruce Lipton. He’s also an amazing individual.

Lori: Yes. I’ve never met him. But I have met somebody who was friends with him. But again, these books are proof the mind is so strong that we can heal our bodies with our minds and by changing those thoughts and beliefs.

Brad: Absolutely.

Lori: I will also throw out there about finding somebody who can help you like chiropractors. Not all of them do the same thing. But I had Dr. David Gustitus on the show a couple of months ago, he’s actually my chiropractor. He’s into functional medicine. He’s going to ask those kinds of questions that you mentioned earlier.

Brad: Yeah, for sure.

Lori: Okay. What else? You have a podcast yourself. I love my podcast and I love listening to other people’s podcasts, but I don’t always have as much time as I’d like to to listen to other podcasts. But yours is one of the ones that is in my list, in my lineup, because I’m just so fascinated every single time, every episode.

Brad: Thank you so much. It’s called How To Be Happier For Entrepreneurs. It’s a lot about this. It’s how can you live the life that you want? We’re rebranding our company soon to Limitless You because everyone’s limitless once they remove these limiting beliefs, again, that a lot of us don’t even know that we’re carrying. So yeah, check it out. It’s on all the major podcast platforms. How To Be Happier For Entrepreneurs.

Lori: Cool. So your belief is that 99% of the people walking the earth need to clear their cache, if you were talking in computer terms.

Brad: Yeah, love it.

Lori: To reboot themselves with new beliefs that are more accurate.

Brad: Yes. The data shows, look, 83% of Americans identify as not being very happy, we’ve gone over the percentage—

Lori: What percent?

Brad: 83% of Americans identify as being not very happy.

Lori: Okay.

Brad: So I don’t know how many identified as happy, but that’s a big number, right? Then you’ve got the percentage of people on anti-anxiety and depression drugs, then you’ve got the prescription drugs, you look at our hospitals, the divorce rate, the obesity rate—all of this is tied in to these beliefs. So it’s basically proof that, yes, the world has a lot of growth to endure. But I think it’s happening. I think people are finally starting to wake up and see that there’s a better way. If you’re struggling or suffering, you weren’t put on this earth to struggle. The fact that you’re even here is a complete miracle that that one egg matched up with that one sperm, a complete miracle. So despite what someone might have told you as a child that “You’re not worth it” or “I wish you weren’t born,” it was all just them. It had nothing to do with you. You’re a miracle, you’re enough, you always were enough, you always will be enough, and you were put here for a massive mission.

And you might be like, “Well, Brad, I have no idea why I’m here.” Neither did I for 47 years. Because when you have these limiting beliefs, you’re literally in a fight or flight for most of your life and you’re running from a proverbial tiger. How can you figure out what your purpose is in life if you’ve got a tiger chasing you? So literally, within weeks of me killing that tiger, I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is my purpose. This is why I was put here, to help people in their suffering and struggling, and find freedom and happiness.” Because it’s always inside of you. It has always been there. Everything you need to be happy, you have right now. For 47 years, Lori, I chased boats and money and women and status and power, thinking, “When I get this, this, and this, I’m going to be happy.” If you think that’s the way to go, look at the Michael Jacksons of the world and the Matthew Perrys, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse. They had all the money and accolades they could ever have. But they had those limiting beliefs that eventually ended up taking their lives. So stop searching. Because if you’re looking outside yourself, you’re going to look until you die. It’s not outside, it’s inside, and that’s the magic.

Lori: There are some theories that addiction is kind of a lack of connection issue, a lack of connection with other people, lack of community.

Brad: Look, I think I mentioned this earlier. Every problem in your life is a thinking problem. That thinking problem was created in childhood. And what happens is when you create that meaning, oftentimes you’re disconnecting from yourself because you don’t want to endure the pain. So at the heart of this 99% of people that you mentioned, that need to do the cache reboot, the whole reason is because they’re disconnected. You can’t be connected to other people if you’re disconnected from yourself. So it’s all about what I do in this five-week program that I have. It’s all about reconnecting with yourself. I can’t tell you how many people that have scored negative or lack of self-love, that in five weeks, three weeks sometimes, four weeks, go to extreme self-love. Because all we do is we turn around the story in their brain and they start telling themselves the truth.

Lori: What do you say to people who are like, “You can’t possibly be that happy”? Because I know that people started seeing you putting out stuff after you went through your transformation, and they’re like, “What’s up with Brad? Because he’s totally different now. It seems a little weird. How can somebody be like that?” Like go from where you were to where you are. Because you started really putting yourself out on social media talking about this because it is your purpose.

Brad: Yes. You do exactly what I’ve just shared in the last half an hour. You go and you turn around those meanings. I’ve had people, many, many close friends even, say, “It was actually irritating when you started doing that because I was like, ‘Who is this guy?’” “This is never going to last,” “This is just another flash in his pan, right?” The one guy, I was on his podcast last week, he goes, “You know the one thing I underestimated about you, Brad, though, was your purpose and passion around this.” So, yeah, people see me and they’re like, “You just seem to be happy all the time.” And I am. Not 100%. But when I’m unhappy, I use the Joy Regenerator, now I can process it in my head in like milliseconds, and usually I can kick right out of it.

You can do the same thing. You don’t need to be struggling and suffering. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be in a deeply connected relationship. And how do you do that? You just do exactly what I’m saying. You go back and you reverse those untruths that are driving this behavior that you want to change.

Lori: All right. I have a couple of more questions. But the one that’s jumping out at me right now is this is not about not feeling emotions, right? Because we’re still human, so you’re still going to have emotions like sadness and anger, they’re still going to come up. And you’re saying use the Joy Regenerator? Or is it okay to sit in them for a minute? If somebody that you care about passes away, you’re going to be sad.

Brad: Yes. When you say to yourself, “I’m feeling sad,” and you say, “It’s okay. You’re feeling sad, Lori. I’ve got you. We can sit here as long as you need.” Because what we often do is we don’t feel the emotion, or we feel it and we push it down, or we turn to drugs or alcohol or, again, sex or porn, or whatever it is. And that doesn’t solve anything. It just comes back the next time. But if you sit with it and you process it, it eventually goes away. So, no, emotions are really great. Emotions actually bring you closer to yourself, bring you closer to other people, but you just can’t let your emotions drive you to negativity.

Negative self-talk was another question on the self-love quiz. Do you know that your brain and your mind and your body doesn’t know the difference between when you’re talking negatively to yourself and someone else is talking negatively to yourself? You are creating a fight-or-flight situation and you are making your body release cortisol, which is a stress hormone, which creates inflammation, and 60 or 70% of all disease is based in inflammation. So stop talking negatively to yourself. There’s nothing to talk negatively to yourself. So be your own best friend. If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself.

Lori: How do you catch yourself? Because I think a lot of people—well, I don’t know. I think some people might say, “But I don’t talk negatively to myself,” like they don’t even hear it.

Brad: That’s probably true. Some people don’t. I had a gentleman, a client last year that said, “All I want you to do, Brad, through this five weeks is help me go from a scale of 0 to 10—and my negativity is 11—to an 8. That’s all. I don’t need to go to a 5 or 0.” In that year now, he has been a zero. His life has been so changed that he’s actually going in the direction of now helping people. He wants to teach people. Actually, he wants to teach other healers and therapists how to do it, because he has become so enthralled with it that all he does is read these books on hypnosis and healing the mind. It’s amazing.

Lori: That’s cool. Okay, all right. Then you brought up—what you said about him is you don’t have to go from 11 to 0 in one giant step. It’s baby steps maybe to get into it. You could. Potentially, you’re saying you could.

Brad: You could. A lot of my clients have massive shifts in three to five hours of working with me. And ironically, through my transformation, it was a three-hour session in this Airbnb bedroom in Park City, where I came out of there just completely different. And I’ve been going to therapy for three decades. I went to like 50 different marriage counseling sessions. And in three hours, I got more than all of those put together.

Lori: Wow. All right, I’m going to ask you the one question that I love asking my guests. I mean, I love asking lots of questions, obviously, that’s why I’m doing the show. But what’s your hype song when you need an extra boost of energy? Obviously, you have a lot of energy when you need to be especially ramped up. I don’t know. Maybe you’re getting ready to do like a workout session or something.

Brad: There are so many amazing songs. One came to mind is Roar by Katy Perry. One, I love the beat. Two, I love her. Her personality is so freakish. She was so funny on America’s Got Talent. And it’s just about not being held down. So many of us are held down. So much of the suffering in this world is self-inflicted. And there’s a better way. You don’t have to. You can rise up and you can be that amazing person. You deserve everything you ever wanted in life and you can get there as soon as you get rid of these beliefs that are hidden in your subconscious mind driving all this behavior.

Lori: Thank you. All right, I’m going to put a link to that song in the show notes. And lastly, you mentioned it earlier, bradchandler.com. That’s the best place for people to go to reach out and do your quiz and continue a conversation with you?

Brad: Absolutely. Take the quiz, schedule a call. I’m here to help, right? Since I’ve shifted three years ago, my shift has gone from trying to make a bunch of money to prove my worth to making an impact. So if I can help you, if you’re struggling, if you know someone that’s struggling, literally, if you go to bradchandler.com/contact, my cell phone is even on there. We lost someone through suicide about a month ago that was a real estate investor in one of our masterminds. I didn’t know him very well, but it’s just tragic. And no one should take their life and no one needs to. So if you know anyone struggling and they just need someone to talk to, give my cell phone number. I’ll talk to him.

Lori: Cool. Thank you. I will put a link to your website in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining me today on FINE is a 4-Letter Word.

Brad: Thank you.

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