50. (S2E14) What Does Courage Feel Like?

What does courage feel like?

Hello and welcome to the 50th episode of Fine is a 4-Letter Word. Yeah, wow, I can hardly believe it. It’s not marked as episode 50 because it’s Season 2, episode 14. Season 1 was 36 episodes. So add those together and you see how we’re at number 50 now.

I was originally hoping to host a big party when I got to episode 50, but honestly, it kind of crept on me really fast and I wasn’t organized enough to plan ahead. So let’s do that for episode 100, ok? It’ll give us all time to prepare and then we can meet up on March 23, 2023.

What we can do right now though is celebrate with stickers! I’ve got these fun Fine is a 4-Letter Word stickers and I’m happy to send you one. Just text the word Fine – F.I.N.E - fine, to 571.317.1463.

Today I’m going solo and talking about courage. Courage is the third pillar of my Trilogy for Success framework under the F*ck Being Fine program. We talk about courage on this show all the time, even when the actual word is never used.

When you think back on like the recent episodes with Amanda Catarzi, called Andy Frisella and Ed Mylett Saved My Life or Sabrina Victoria’s Setting Her Own Course.

And some of the earliest ones like If She Could Just Be A Better Wife & Mother with Helene Masyr. Prostitutes, Pain and Power with Eve Molzhon. And Sparkle Lindsay’s She Put An “H” On Her Chest And Handled It.

You might think real courage is reserved for leaving abusive situations or confronting life-threatening circumstances. And certainly they employed courage there.

At the same time, courage is necessary – and equally important – for making decisions every day. Courage to step into growth and do something uncomfortable or unpleasant or unpopular.

Think about it. It takes courage to stand up in a meeting and share your viewpoint when you’re not sure anyone will agree with you.

It takes courage to go against the grain and make choices for your health that others think are stupid or ill-informed.

It takes courage to leave a well-paying job to travel around the world or start your own business.

The Cambridge dictionary defines courage as “the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation.”

Let’s unpack this fear thing a bit.

So it’s not about not having or feeling fear. It’s about feeling it, controlling it, and doing the scary thing anyway.

The feeling of fear exists to protect you. You know this. Evolutionarily, fear kept you safe from bears and crocodiles. And it still serves the purpose of keeping you alive.

However, far more often, it keeps you from doing things that will help you grow and move forward in life.

Think right now of something you’ve been putting off doing. I’ll wait… (music)

Why? Why haven’t you done it yet?

I’m guessing you know in your heart it’s the right thing to do. And yet…

Because you need a way of controlling your fear first.

Maybe you need to talk through it with someone who doesn’t have anything to win or lose in the game. Someone who is completely objective.

Maybe you need a kick in the ass. Haha. That’s why I’m always saying that as a coach, I push people off the cliff while holding their hand. Forward momentum combined with compassion.

In 2011, there was a movie out called We Bought a Zoo. In it, the character Benjamin Mee, played by Matt Damon, tells his son, “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

Twenty seconds to say the thing that could change your life. Or maybe it’s only five seconds.

The premise of Mel Robbins’ book “The 5 Second Rule,” is the moment you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move to do it in 5 seconds or else your brain will stop you.

You know exactly what she’s talking about, right?

You have a thought to do something and if you don’t do it right away, you talk yourself out of it.

And then you rationalize it. It wasn’t that important. It’s not that big a deal. It doesn’t matter.

But it DOES matter. Or else you wouldn’t have thought of it in the first place.

By not doing it, you’re depriving yourself, and possibly someone else, of an opportunity.

Worse, you’re teaching yourself to not trust yourself.

Which brings us around to how do you learn TO trust yourself?

First, let’s circle back to that word courage again. The origin of the word goes back to Old French coer and ultimately Latin, cor. Both meaning heart.

Oh yeah, so I take that to mean courage comes from listening to your heart.

And the only way to hear what your heart is saying is to make space for listening.

I remember hearing Wayne Dyer say that prayer is you talking to God. And intuition is God talking to you.

Your intuition comes through your heart. And your gut. The systems are all connected. People feel it in different places.

But the only way you hear anything your heart - and the rest of your body – and your soul is saying is to you is to allow the space.

You know my favorite way to do that is through meditation.

And there are a lot of other ways as well.

A walk in nature. Working in your garden. Some people find mowing the lawn meditative. Sailing, paddleboarding, baking. Wherever you can simply BE.

So let’s come back to the topic at hand, of courage.

You allow your mind time and space to hear your heart. So you get clear on what you need to do.

Then you need to trust your intuition.

And then you need to take inspired action.

Here’s where the not trusting yourself part comes in.

You get a clear message about what to do, but you don’t trust it. Because it’s too crazy. Or it seems like a lot of work. Or what if it doesn’t work. And what will people think?

So you give in to those thoughts and you don’t do it.

You’re chipping away at your trust in yourself. And if you can’t trust yourself, life can get pretty miserable.

Remember, courage is “the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation.”

You’re exactly in - what your mind is telling you - is a dangerous or difficult situation.

Then courage is really giving in to your heart.

Digging deep. Finding the faith and taking the step even though it’s terrifying.

Because you CAN NOT go wrong when you give in to your heart, to your intuition.

Consider then, that courage may actually FEEL LIKE FEAR.

There’s a reason courage is the third pillar of the Trilogy for Success framework. Because you need to have the foundation of the other two – Gratitude and Connections – to be able to withstand your own resistance to feeling the fear and moving forward anyway. Courage.

If you’d like to talk more about this concept, you know you can message me at Lori@ZenRabbit.com or text me at 571.317.1463. We can set up a time to chat. There’s never any obligation and I think y’all know me well enough by now to know I’m not gonna hard core sell you anything.

Oh, and again, if you want a sticker, text me the word FINE. 571.317.1463

This week's hype song is Courage by P!nk.